Sex and the UniverCity #1: Blurred Lines in the World of FWBs

No commitment, no effort, no dates. Sounds great, right? Unless you are a rare breed of wonder woman, “Friends with Benefits” will eventually affect you. It seems every week, more and more of us gals are talking about our awesome FWB buddy. A few weeks later, those same girls are having solo meltdowns in the corner of the library. Let’s face it. It sounds awesome. And in the beginning, it is. Once you’ve decided to have a FWB, the beginning is very exciting. Like I said: no commitment, no stress, no problem. But eventually so many outside factors will begin to affect your friendship. So why do we agree to this bizarre situation? Here’s what I’ve gathered:

1. You want to prove that you’re “chill”: In today’s hook-up culture, girls are constantly adjusting to the status quo of casual hook ups and the lack of romance. I’ve found that my friends often settle for a friends with benefits type of situation to prove that they are “laid back” and “fun.” Ladies, it’s okay to admit that you want something meaningful. Settling for this type of situation from the get-go is bound to lead to problems.

(yup) 

2. You don’t actually have time for something meaningful. As collegiate girls, we often pack our schedules with classes, work, and multiple different activities. In the New York Times article “Sex On Campus – She Can Play That Game, Too,” author Kate Taylor discusses her interviews with a wide array of girls from UPenn. These girls explain that they just don’t have time for anything real because they are too busy focusing on their careers. They talk about the “cost-benefit” analyses and the “low risk and low investment costs” of hooking up. I am an avid supporter of the modern day independent woman, but I can’t help but wonder if these girls are running the game, or the game is running them. Are we truly okay with a romanceless society, or have we simply adapted to the times and morphed our ways of thinking? http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?pagewanted=all

3.You think it will change into something meaningful.  I think this is the main reason many girls agree to this situation, and is probably the biggest factor in the failure of the whole concept. I cannot stress enough how many times I have witnessed my friends say “It’s okay, I think after a few weeks it will turn into something real.” Settling for this type of situation is setting yourself up for failure. If one of you is entering the situation with different expectations, it’s almost impossible to stay on the same page. This allows for major jealously and awkwardness to develop and this is when things can get messy.

We need to be careful when entering into these types of situations. It’s called “friends with benefits” for a reason. This is your friend, and there is a huge chance that the whole situation could negatively affect your friendship and your group of friends. So what is our alternative? Or the better question is, do we have an alternative? There may be a chance that we live in a culture that has completely transformed. Is chivalry dead? I’m asking you to find out. Don’t sell yourself short ladies. Don’t answer that text. Keep your heads high, your standards high, and your FWBs to a minimum.