With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s easy for people (both single and taken) to start frantically worrying about how they are spending the holiday.
In the spirit of all things love, dating, relationships, and hookups, I had the chance to talk to some SJU students and hear their worst dating and hookup nightmares. Don’t worry, no matter what you find yourself doing this Valentine’s Day, be assured that it will probably be better than these Hawk’s experiences! (In order to protect their privacy, students had the option to choose to be anonymous or stay public.) Here are 14 SJU dating and hookup horror stories to make you feel better about yourself this Valentine’s Day!
1. The Political Science major who got hypothermia
“One time I was on a date with a guy and not only did he make me walk 15 blocks in the middle of winter, but he also spent the majority of the date berating me for being a Political Science major because it’s “useless” – Ethan, Junior
2. The girl with a near-vampire experience
“I went on a date with some guy and he bit my lip so hard kissing me at the end of the night that my lip was too swollen to go to class the next day!” – Anonymous
3. The girl who had more than butterflies in her stomach
“When I get nervous I always have to go number two. Over summer I was going on a date with an older guy and when I was on my way I got so nervous that I had to pull over at the CVS on Belmont Avenue to poop and gather myself!” – Anonymous
4. The girl who discovered her new favorite movie
“I went on a double date my freshman year with my friend Marissa and her boyfriend. We got there and the person I was set up with had a girlfriend! Then we had to sit next to each other during the movie while Marissa and her boyfriend hooked up the whole time. Me and the other guy were so invested in the movie because the situation was so awkward!” – Kara, Junior
5. The graduate who wasn’t wife material
“My boyfriend in high school (we didn’t date for long) broke up with me at my graduation party, so that was fun! He eventually told me he didn’t want to date anyone in college if he didn’t foresee himself marrying the girl.” – Alyssa, Junior
6. The girl who learned the importance of internet privacy
“I went on a date a couple years ago and the guy told me he Googled me before the date!!” – Rebecca, Senior
7. The girl whose sweat got the best of her
“I went on a date with someone I would have never chosen and everything in my gut was telling me no, but I was desperate for some sort of attention from a man, so I took this guy up on his offer. It was in the heart of summer and I was wearing a romper that didn’t allow for a normal bra so I resorted to the infamous sticky bra. And as I was doing my best to look interested in what he was talking about I suddenly felt a quick release of the adhesive from one of the cups! Needless to say the summer heat got the best of me, and I had to excuse myself while nonchalantly crossing my arms and praying the cup didn’t slip out from my romper. I don’t think the guy noticed but I haven’t talked to him since…” – Anonymous
8. The girl who can’t win ‘em all
“I went on a date to the beach with this kid. Before the date he made me go inside his house in my cover-up, meet everyone in his family, and then his whole family met us at the beach. I turned to talk to him and he had a huge hickey on his neck. Then, he didn’t talk to me for weeks after that date!” – Anonymous
9. The girl who made lemonade out of lemons
“I had just turned 21 but I got denied from River Palooza since my ID was expired. So everyone went into Palooza and I went to Castle Roxx, sat there, and met a random 30 year old guy who asked me to go to an oyster bar with him on Main Street. He bought us raw oysters and a bottle of wine. I drank the whole bottle of wine, told him I had to use the bathroom, and then left him there alone.” – Anonymous
10. The girl who narrowly escaped an awkward family reunion
“I matched with this guy on Bumble and it turns out we were cousins but we didn’t know that!” – Anonymous
11. The girl who probably won’t have a second date
“I may or may not have gone a date with a married man. He was 28 and my friend told me that her dad knows him and that he’s married. Nothing confirmed though!” – Anonymous
12. The girl who didn’t get her Elle Woods law school ending
“One time I went on a date with a guy who was in law school. He spent the whole date quizzing me on constitutional law. Another time I was on a date that I didn’t realize was a date until he went to pay. I panicked and threw a $20 bill across the table.” – Catherine, recent grad
13. The girl whose mattress pad has seen better days
“Last year, this guy I had been talking to for awhile slept over at my house for the first time and he drunkenly peed the bed during his sleep. Thankfully my mattress was okay but the mattress pad never saw the light of day again.” – Anonymous
14. The girl whose date is Jordan Belfort in the making
“I took a guy I had hooked up with a few times to my date party at Downey’s in the city. He went missing for at least 30 minutes and I found him wasted outside venting to the bouncer about his career pursuits. Later, on the bus ride home, he kept telling me about his ambitions of working on Wall Street in New York City. I love ambitious men, but he was a little too much for me.” – Anonymous
I hope your Valentine’s Day ends up better than these nightmares!
HCXO,
Alyssa