Let me start off like with this: I love my family to death. I do not think I would be where I am today without the support I have received from my mom, dad and sister. They have always been there for me and continue to show me love and support, even if we are miles apart. When I was growing up, though, having this amount of love for my family was not the case all the time.
I grew up in Los Angeles in a beautiful neighborhood. I went to good schools throughout my childhood and made great friends along the way. At home, I was the older sister to a sporty younger sister, a daughter to a mother who ran her own company and a father who worked in the entertainment industry. To the outside world, our family seemed perfect. We even had two little pups that scoured around our home all day long. It seemed like the perfect household in the perfect city to some onlookers.
But let’s be real here, no family is perfect.
I’ve had bad anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, and that played a role in how my life was growing up. I remember getting into so many fights with my mom over friend struggles and whether I was good enough or not because I kept on getting mediocre grades. I would always compare myself to my younger sister, who was athletic and popular, two things that I definitely was not in middle or high school. But even then, my sister had her own flaws that really came out when she came to high school, which was dealing with stress with boys and her sports teams. My parents would fight sometimes but it felt like forever and would always be over the most minimal things. When I was a junior in high school, it was to the point where I could not wait for college and get the heck out of my home.
When the day arrived where I would commit to a school, I remember feeling anxious. I could feel my mother’s gaze drift over me, as if she was telling me with her eyes that I should just stay in LA and go to community college for two years. I also thought about my sister and knew that if I left somewhere far away, I couldn’t be there for her when she was feeling sad or anxious, especially when my parents fought.
When I made my decision to go to San Jose State, it was partially for me and partially for my family. San Jose State is a great school with a well-known journalism program. It is super close to, Santa Cruz and San Francisco, my two favorite places in the world. I knew that by going to this school, I could be alone and make a new life for myself while still being not too far away from my family. I remember the day where I said my goodbyes to my family. Even though I was only five hours away, I could not contain my emotions. I was equally happy to be making a new life for myself, but I was sad to see my support systems leave and be far away from me.
As college went on, I realized that going to San Jose State was probably the best decision I could have made when it came to my family. Even though I only see them for holidays and birthdays, the love I have for my family has blossomed. They have seen that by being away, I could make my own decisions without having to hold their hands. I could make my own mistakes that I alone could learn from. Even though I still have anxiety and depression, I have learned coping mechanisms to get through the days where it is especially bad. The relationship between my sister and I blossomed, even though it was great from the start.
My family is not perfect, and I have known that my whole life. Even now when I see them sometimes we get into little spats, but it is easier now to overcome them and not hold grudges with one another. I believe by going up North, I bettered my relationship with my family and ultimately with myself as well.