I’ve never had sex, never dated, never been on a date, and never even held hands romantically. In fact, I’ve never even had a talking stage or a situationship. Of course, I’ve had crushes, but I never made a move out of fear of rejection—which is a little embarrassing to admit. For some, being single for 19 years might seem unusual, but it’s had a unique impact on me. Over the years, my perspective on relationships and self-worth has constantly evolved, shaped by my own experiences and observations.
In today’s society, there’s a lot of pressure to be in a relationship. I’m surrounded by friends who often talk about wanting to find someone, friends who make their relationships the center of their world, and others who are heartbroken and grieving over their exes. On social media, it often feels like nearly everyone I encounter is either in a relationship or caught in a situationship—a gray area between friendship and romance that leaves everyone confused.
During my teenage years especially, it felt isolating to be left out of this experience. Watching others be so deeply involved, while I was on the sidelines, made me question myself. I wondered if there was something inherently wrong with me, if my looks or personality made me undateable. For years, these thoughts took a toll on my self-worth, leaving me to believe that I was somehow “inferior” because I didn’t have someone by my side.
Yet, through these challenges, being single has also offered me something precious: time to focus on my own growth. I’ve had the freedom to reflect on who I am, to enjoy solo dates that helped me heal, and to build close bonds with friends and family. I’ve learned that a healthy relationship begins with self-acceptance, self-love, and independence, because at the end of the day, you can’t truly love anyone else without first loving yourself. Without those foundations, relationships can quickly become codependent, with partners relying on each other for validation instead of bringing their whole selves into the connection. Though I’m still on this journey, not having been in a relationship has helped me recognize my strengths and accept who I am without needing outside validation.
There was a time when I felt like a hopeless romantic, convinced that I was missing out on something essential. I often heard people talk about the joy of having a ‘built-in best friend’ or someone to grow with, which made me feel like something was absent from my life.
During my last years of high school, this feeling intensified as I watched more and more of my friends get into relationships. But as I entered college, I began to see things differently. I watched some of my peers struggle with the downsides of relationships—jealousy, misunderstandings, and heartbreak—and I started to realize that relationships may not always be as fulfilling as they seem from the outside. If a relationship doesn’t add to my life, if it doesn’t support my growth, then it’s not worth it to me just for the sake of not being alone.
Now, I feel at peace with where I am. I’m happy for the couples around me, and I’m happy with myself too, knowing that I don’t necessarily need a partner to feel whole. I’ve learned to embrace the idea of waiting for the right person at the right time, rather than seeking a relationship to fill a perceived gap. Instead, I’ve found fulfillment in creating a life that brings me joy on its own, which has been truly freeing.
Ultimately, being single my whole life has shaped me in ways I never expected. Though it’s been mentally challenging at times, it has taught me invaluable lessons and allowed me to invest in relationships with friends and family. It has made me self-reliant, more independent, and comfortable in my own skin. I’ve come to understand that it’s perfectly okay to be single, and while it can feel lonely sometimes, especially when everyone around you seems to be finding love, I’ve embraced my own journey. Being single doesn’t mean I’m missing something—it just means I’m growing on my own terms, and I’m content with that.
How has your perspective on relationships changed as you’ve grown? Share your thoughts with @HerCampusSJSU on Instagram—we’d love to hear from you!