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How to move past the pain of friend breakups

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SJSU chapter.

Friendships are an unbreakable bond that consists of loyalty, trust, and acceptance. Having someone who you can always depend on is one of the most secure feelings. On occasion, the person who you always thought would be that safe space for you may change. Sometimes friends grow apart and that is completely okay. It can be difficult to be unable to identify a specific cause for the end of a friendship. Losing a friend can be one of the most painful experiences, especially if you envisioned them being in your life for much longer. I’ve had a few friendships end throughout my life, and it is never easy to deal with. However, I always managed to get through those tough times and I learned more about how to be a better person for my current friendships. Regardless of the reasons for a friendship concluding, it is still possible to bounce back and grow from this difficult time period.

Going through a friend breakup can be even more painful than a romantic relationship ending. Although the dynamics between friends and romantic partners are different, friendship connections have the potential to be much deeper.. The bond between friends is so strong and it can feel like a piece of you is missing when that person is no longer in your life. The value of friendship only increases as we get older since you go through so many life stages and experience unforgettable memories with your friends. People also tend to understand that romantic relationships don’t always last forever, but fail to remember that the same applies to friendships. Not every friendship is meant to last forever but you can still appreciate the memories and learn from the tough experience of losing them. 

Friendship ending needs to be talked about more. The norms for romantic breakups are more clear but many people don’t know how to deal with friendships ending. How you are supposed to know how to cope with a friendship breakup?  The different expectations placed on relationships and friendships are another reason why dealing with the termination of a friendship can be more difficult. Defining expectations in friendships is different from dating. There is always an established title or label when dating but friendship expectations aren’t explicitly discussed. It is equally as important to converse about boundaries, expectations, and needs in a friendship as it is to discuss these topics when dating someone. This open communication can prevent misunderstandings and establish trust.

Moving past a friendship breakup can be incredibly difficult. Sometimes it may feel like you will never be able to move past the hurt, but I promise you it’s possible! It’s important to use healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with a situation like this. When everything first happens, it’s okay to be upset and let yourself be sad since it’s all still fresh. Take time to let yourself heal and grieve this part of your past. To think about this situation in a positive light, you can ponder on all of the free time that you’ll have without this friendship. You can take extra time for self-care, hobbies, general interests, exercise, school, and so much more. It’s also important to spend time with friends and family who care about you. Being in the company of loved ones will remind you of all the amazing people who remain in your life. Not having your friend in your life anymore is very unfortunate, but there are still other people who value your presence and want to spend their time with you. It’s crucial to not dwell on the past during this time as well. Don’t spend time looking through old photos and memories while you are still hurting because this will make moving on so much more difficult than it needs to be. 

It is pivotal to understand that in order to maintain a friendship, work and effort from both ends just like when people are dating. It’s vital to not let issues bottle up and explode over time but it can be prevented when you establish open communication where everyone feels safe expressing their feelings. Friends need to communicate just as much as people in romantic relationships, which is what a lot of people fail to understand. Not talking about how everyone is feeling can leave both parties with questions and make them feel like they did something wrong even if that may not be the case. It’s crucial to communicate your frustrations with each other so that you can move past it. Open communication also includes discussing boundaries you both may have. For example, one person may feel that spending time together three times a week is ideal, whereas another friend may think one time a week is enough. Talking about your expectations within the friendship will ensure that nobody has false expectations which will prevent conflict. 

Even though friend breakups may be painful, we learn from every friendship we have regardless of how they end. It’s important to understand that it’s okay that your friendship ended. A friendship ending should not be considered a failure because sometimes friendships aren’t meant to be. No matter what happened within the friendship, your future will be just as fulfilling with or without that one person. Although you should treasure the memories made with that person, it’s more beneficial to look forward and think about all of the new memories you can create with other friends or family. 

Tell us how you cope with friendship breakups by tagging us @HerCampusSJSU!

Hello everyone! My name is Bella Phan and I am a fourth year studying Public Health at San Jose State University! I have always loved to write and I am so excited to be continuing that passion with Her Campus at SJSU.