I remember when I realized our friendship was over—I sat on the side of my bed, looking down at the cracked screen of my phone and feeling as if my heart itself looked the same. Tears welled in my eyes that night, and it seemed like they didn’t stop falling until a few weeks later.
I never thought I would break up with my best friend. The breakup came completely out of left field; we called each other soul sisters, twin flames, soulmates. It felt as if I had lost a limb, a part of myself. I never imagined a life without her, and I didn’t know how to cope for the life of me.
I felt many different emotions—anger, sadness, hopelessness—and I didn’t know how to deal with them. If you’re going through a friend breakup, you’re probably feeling the same emotions I did, and that’s completely normal. Likewise, you most likely feel like you’ll never heal. I know it hurts, but it will get better and your heart will be mended.
Healing is a process. It’s definitely difficult, and sometimes old wounds might be opened by Instagram posts or Snapchat memories, but there are a few steps that you can take to help ease the process. So put on that face mask, light that scented candle, turn on some groovy tunes, and read the ways you can make healing from a best friend breakup easier.
1. Confide in your other friends (or anyone)! Really. I was in a friend trio, and right before my ex-best friend broke up with me, she broke up with my other best friend. I was lucky that I had someone who was also reeling from a friend break up to talk to. She listened, sent me pictures of her dogs, and reassured me that she would always be there for me. While I felt the pain from losing someone I called a sister, the warmth and reassurance of friendship helped me significantly in my healing process. Likewise, if you have a therapist or any other person you can reach out to, talk to them! A best friend breakup can be extremely stressful, and it’s completely normal to want to talk to someone about it. If I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I think my healing process would have been more difficult.
2. Be active socially! BE SOCIAL! Get out there! Talk to people, make new friends, and have fun. I know it can be hard to do. I doubted myself, and the breakup really took a toll on the way I viewed myself. I thought I wasn’t a good friend, but deep down I knew that wasn’t true. I was worthy of being a friend to others and having friends myself, and if you’re going through a best friend breakup and feel the same way, remember that you are worthy. There are plenty of people you can vibe with if you just spend time finding and tending to those relationships.
3. Don’t think (too much) about the past! This is the type of advice I’m giving because I made these mistakes. Girls, when you’re going through a friend breakup, it’s fine to remember the good times. However, it’s also important to focus on the now. Check yourself, check your thoughts, and remember that while it’s okay to fondly remember the past, the past is exactly that: the past. You have the present, and you have the future to focus on. Make new memories. Make new friends and tend to the relationships you still have.
4. Do *not* linger on their social media accounts! I missed my ex-best friend a lot in the following months after our breakup. I went from talking to her daily to never talking to her again. I still loved her, but I had no space to talk with her, so I would go on her social media accounts to keep up with her. This was a mistake—every photo I was in was erased from her profiles completely, and I would see her new posts. Her life post-me. Each click on her profile would end up hurting me, but I still did it. Recuperating from a best friend breakup is hard enough as it is, so don’t make it harder on yourself by constantly opening up healed wounds. I know it’s painful not being a part of their life anymore, but as I mentioned earlier, it’s the past. There’s always going to be the idea that one day you guys will make amends, and while it is possible, focus on healing for now before that happens. Don’t torture yourself; let your heart rest.
5. Remember that healing is not linear! They say that time heals all wounds, but in my experience, healing is not linear. Places and people could rip open a stitch in your heart and make you remember the good times. Something crazy will happen to you, and you’ll want to send a text to your ex-best friend, but then you remember you’re not friends anymore. Those situations hit me like a train. I still hurt—some days more than others—but I know that the pain is more manageable now than it was before. Remember that it’s okay to feel the pain every once in a while, and remember that healing is not black and white. It’s not linear. You’re not going to wake up one morning and be completely healed, and likewise, you’re not going to be hurt forever. Your heart and spirit are strong and ever evolving, so give yourself a break. Don’t hold yourself to a nonexistent healing timeline.
I hope that my experience with a best friend breakup is able to help you in your healing journey. Remember that you are entitled to feel every emotion you’ve felt, and you also deserve love and happiness. You’re doing great, and your heart is strong enough to endure any curveballs life throws at you.