August 9th, 2023 was the day that I packed up all my things and hugged my family goodbye, going from New Hampshire to California with just two suitcases to move into my new dorm room with.
Being 18 years-old and moving far from home was daunting. In a lot of ways, it still is, even though I’m almost done with my second year. I had my fair share of crash-outs while navigating roommate tussles, learning to be independent the hard way, and frustrations with the system, but I’d never change my college experience.
With college commitment deadlines coming up, if you’re thinking about moving out of state for school, here’s my guide for how to have the smoothest transition possible!
- You don’t have to be friends with your roommates.
This is one of the biggest lessons I learned during my first year and one of my biggest regrets. Don’t get me wrong – I love the girls I shared a room with, but living with someone is an entirely different dynamic than simply being friends. It can be one of the hardest adjustments you’ll face after moving in, especially when coming from a completely different culture and background.
You have to determine very carefully if your roommates are people you can live with and rely on, or if you just want to be friends with them. Being super close with the people you live with can either be the best experience, or the worst, depending on what your dynamic is while navigating independence for the first time. Have all of the difficult conversations and establish boundaries before move-in day, then decide if that’s the best fit for you.
When you’re living out of state, your dorm is your only space.
My roommates were both California natives and would often drive home for the weekend. While it was wonderful that they had their families nearby, I found myself alone more than I had expected. It left me in a situation where my dorm became my only space. It’s easy to feel left out, or even jealous, when your roommates have the opportunity to go home and recharge, especially when you’re far from home.
It’s a challenge you don’t always anticipate, but it’s something to keep in mind when choosing who to live with. Living with people who may not be your best friends, but who are reliable and considerate will make all the difference. The reality is, sometimes you just need to be reminded that people care about you!
I wasn’t able to go home for most school breaks, so they always made sure that I was taken care of. Even if there was some roommate tension, they always made sure I had a place to stay over break, sent check-in texts every morning and night, and gave me access to their snacks when I was staying in the dorms alone.
No matter what difficulties we faced, I knew those girls had my back, and it’s because of them that I was able to survive the eerie silence of our little dorm room when they left for home.
- Culture shock will happen when you least expect it.
I didn’t think it would happen to me, but I experienced culture shock in ways I never anticipated. I thought I was prepared for the transition, but no matter how much you prepare, there’s always that moment when something unfamiliar catches you off guard.
For me, it wasn’t just the big, obvious things—it was the small, everyday differences that took me by surprise.
It was how people interacted with each other, the pace of life, and different social norms. I found myself feeling out of place more often than I expected.
For example, In New England, people tend to be more direct. It’s not meant to be rude, but there’s an emphasis on efficiency and honesty, and people generally appreciate it when you don’t sugarcoat how you feel. When I moved to the Bay Area, I realized that California culture is more laid-back, placing more value on keeping the tone light and friendly.
Misunderstandings happened a lot at first, and they still do! It’s easy for me to feel like people are being insincere and vague, while others may feel like I’m being combative or harsh.
Just remember, culture shock isn’t a sign that something is wrong; it’s a natural part of adjusting to a new environment. Embrace the discomfort, and don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Those who understand and connect with you will respect your unique experiences, and your differences will ultimately make you a more well-rounded student, professional, and person.
But seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to small talk.
- Adult friendships look different, so build your social network intentionally.
There are a thousand ways to get involved on campus, but it’s important for someone who’s brand new to the area to get involved with intention.
Observe the way that your new friends treat each other, talk about others, and align with your values. Just because you’re coming from out of state doesn’t mean that you’re immune to classic freshman-year experiences (like the first major friend group fallout!).
On that same note, get involved on campus! If you need to work, choose an on-campus job rather than the same fast-food chain you worked at in high school. Join clubs that align with your professional and personal interests.
Friendships look so different in college than they do in K-12, so don’t compare the two. Finding like-minded people and networking with upperclassmen will help you grow into yourself – and you’ll get so much more out of college once you get out of your hometown mindset.
- Call your mom – Seriously, just do it.
When everything around you feels overwhelming—the new classes, the new friends, the feeling of being far from home—it can be grounding to hear the familiar sound of someone who knows you.
Sometimes, it’s not about getting advice or comfort. It’s just about feeling seen and heard. Picking up the phone, even if it feels like you’re talking about nothing important, can provide a sense of comfort and connection. When the world feels like it’s moving too fast, those moments with family can be the anchor that helps you stay grounded.
Once I stopped feeling like I needed to navigate everything by myself and started casually reaching out, even for the smallest things—like asking a random question or sharing something funny from class—I realized how much those simple conversations meant to both of us.
During my freshman year, I called my dad to tell me how to jump my friend’s car, and he still talks about it to this day! We could have easily Googled it, but there was something about hearing my dad’s voice on the other end of the line that made it feel less intimidating.
Even if it’s just a quick call to say, “I miss you” or “I’m having a tough time,” sometimes, parents just want to feel like their kids still need them. Those small moments of connection can be just as meaningful for them as they are for you, and that support from home can make a world of difference.
- Research your healthcare options BEFORE you commit.
Something that I realized quickly after I arrived was that my east-coast insurance plan wasn’t commonly accepted at providers near me, meaning that when I started experiencing chronic pain, my only realistic option was making my roommates drive me to urgent care every week.
Additionally, research your mental health care options! I cannot recommend therapy enough in your first year. The adjustment to college life is hard for anyone, but when you’re dealing with a new culture and a limited network of support on top of that, you can feel like you’re drowning in self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Learning coping skills can prevent a mental health crisis, which is so important when family is so far away.
I wish that I had figured out what options I had before the school year started because figuring out health insurance for the first time while an exam looms over you is not fun.
- Your routine WILL change!
Personally, I dealt with time change and climate change. After spending my entire life bracing for snow storms, I was hit with 90-degree days in November – a total shock to my system.
Weather and environment has a lot to do with your moods and routine. For example, sunny California culture focuses more on embracing the journey while New England culture is all about pushing through the struggle.
In a new climate, you’ll probably find that your eating, sleeping, and productivity patterns will shift, too.
For example, back home I’m usually more productive in the evening, after the sun sets. But in a college world, I am much more productive during the early afternoon. My eating habits also shifted to be more social and fun, taking opportunities to try new restaurants and have dinner with friends instead, no matter the time of day (Hello, midnight ice cream runs!), rather than out of necessity. And, I find myself going to bed earlier than I do at home.
College life is so different from highschool life! It’s an adjustment, but don’t worry so much about what that’s going to look like. Listen to your body and your needs in the present, and those shifts in routine will happen naturally.
(And, for the record — Don’t sweat the Freshman 15. No one notices.)
- Make your 5-year plan ASAP!
This may not apply to everyone, but I wish that I had considered my long-term career goals before committing. I knew I didn’t want to stay in California after undergrad, but I hadn’t fully thought through the implications of that.
My program requires me to be licensed in the state to practice, and I didn’t realize that if I wanted to take a job outside of California after graduation—as I had originally planned—I would need to retake the certification exam in another state. This added a layer of complexity to my career path that I hadn’t anticipated, and it’s something I wish I’d considered more seriously before making my decision.
That said, don’t panic if your long-term career plan doesn’t play out exactly as you envisioned. Your five-year plan doesn’t need to be perfectly mapped out. Things change, your interests evolve, and sometimes life just doesn’t go according to plan—and that’s completely okay.
Spend a few minutes writing a few bullet points of what you want to accomplish each year, and then weigh those with the pros and cons of your acceptances. Having a flexible five-year plan gives you the space to adapt, but it also helps you stay grounded.
All in all, college pushes you out of your comfort zone, and that’s not a bad thing. The more you embrace the discomfort, the more you’ll learn about yourself.
Going coast to coast wasn’t easy, but all of the challenges that I’ve faced have given me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am capable of more than I thought. I can’t imagine getting my degree anywhere else!
What school are you committing to next year? Let us know @hercampusjsu!