“My love language is physical touch” isn’t just a preference, but also serves as a popular shorthand that we’ve often accepted. Love languages are, as it says in the name, how two people in a deep relationship express love for each other according to Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages.”
We commonly think of this when discussing romantic relationships. However, while love languages can express the way we feel towards our partners, the reality that we get swept away from is that love languages can also be way more than just cute.
When discussing love languages, we refer to the five love languages Chapman writes about: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts. But these love languages were never meant to be ways to earn love.
And this is where unpacking some of the myths behind them is important.
Love languages, at heart, show how you express your feelings to people. For example, if you enjoy having deep conversations or going out with friends or even your partner, this is an expression of quality time.
Now, this is not your defining love language, as you may also enjoy giving gifts if that is also a way to express your feelings. Love languages can shift, overlap, or even coexist.
One recent article explains that “Some people will say, ‘If I have to tell my partner what to do, then it won’t be romantic.’ But I have to remind people that their partner is not a mind reader,” Lee said. “I try to blow up the myth that romance can only happen if it’s created spontaneously out of thin air.”
So that explains what love languages are and why we express them. But why do we make a big trend out of it? The short answer: modern dating.
From love language tests to self-help books, the trend of modern dating culture and terms such as love bombing, ghosting, and even sweatpants theory, we’ve acquired a 2020s perspective to how we approach relationships, regardless of how deep or casual they are.
2020s dating culture has been commonly critiqued for its fast-paced, ambiguous, and sometimes highly curated culture. Think dating apps, situationships, friends with benefits, etc. Research has shown that these kinds of relationships come with downsides such as perpetrating stereotypes, red flags, and often mixed messages around accountability, the #MeToo movement, and gender expectations.
So how about non-romantic relationships? The short answer again is that love languages can still apply. In fact, scientific research on relationships shows that there is not a correlation between overall relationship satisfaction and love languages.
For example, platonic relationships are considered to be vital to our social life because they allow for development of relationships that aren’t related to physical or sexual intimacy.
You can still do acts of kindness, gift giving, or even just quality time with a close friend and that qualifies as a love language.
So whether you’re planning on spending your Valentine’s Day with a friend, your partner, or even just to celebrate some self-love, appreciate the way you show love and receive it. You never know just how much you’ll appreciate the feeling.
What are your thoughts on love languages? Let us know @HerCampusatSJSU!