As the longest few days begin to settle down pre and post Valentine’s Day, it’s important that we reflect on the really important things about this holiday: the Fifty Shades premiere.
Being a huge fan of the series, I was more than ready to see how this trilogy concluded. A group of nine of my closest friends gathered at a prime 9pm to indulge ourselves in Mr. Grey’s saga.
At the end of the second movie, we were left with Ana and Christian preparing for the wedding of the century. The third movie picks up where every woman’s dream wedding would begin. The beautiful lace and romance immediately enticed the viewer and I was sucked in. With many “aw!”s and “oh my god”s from the treater of 98 percent women, the scene quickly moved back to the kinkier side of the story with steamy post wedding sex.
Now, let’s all acknowledge that all of this is super unrealistic, but I found the sex scenes to be lacking! As someone who myself is very adventurous in terms of red room fluency, I found that most of the sexual scenes didn’t give me the saucy taste of lust as I had liked.
To make up for it, the plot smothered out my lack of saucy simmer. With plot twist and turns such as the car chase had me gripping my best friend’s sweaty, anxious hand. But then to be followed by front seat sex was almost disappointing. I was so caught up in the drama of the scene that it would never occur to have sex in a cramped passenger’s seat. Even if the seat was all the way back! Also, how would that cleanup work??
Moving forward, I was enjoying the movie, especially the trip to Christian’s get away home. I thought that whole situation was pretty good and solid. But then emotional terror struck.
I was completely shook. The entire situation had my blood boiling. First of all, how dare she not get her shot and not inform her partner of that. Proper communication is so essential in a successful relationship, which was occurring slowly through the movie, but then she went and skipped her doctor’s appointment. And THEN, when she told Christian, it seemed like she didn’t even take into consideration that there were so many other options rather than just keeping the child. If Christian was as supportive and loving as he was written to be, then he would have at least given several other options before flipping out. Ugh, that whole situation had me disappointed.
Then there was the whole kidnap drama, but snaps to Ana for taking the bank teller’s phone and having “Find My Friends” on with Christian. What then got to me- besides Jack’s craziness -was when the HR woman was the freakin’ accomplice! Honestly, that was the most shocking part of the movie.
After all that drama is settled and she’s in the hospital, I thought Ana was going to lose the baby, but she didn’t. But then my weak, movie-crying self could not hold it together for his profession of love and support. I will admit I cried at the growth and understanding of these characters.
AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BONUS SCENE.
I got up ready to call it a night with my ladies, saying “that was pretty good, it wrapped up well,” when oh my lord the little toddler showed up on screen with the new house and showing Ana PREGNANT AGAIN. I could not even. That was pure cinematic gold.
The Fifty Shades collection of films turned from an exploratory soft-core porn, to a heartfelt love story in the end. As a person who did not read the books, I have to say that that roller-coaster was excellent in a kaleidoscope of ways. So cheers to Ana for letting me get to know the world behind the door to the red room, as well as the romantic love of a mentally ill adoptee.
(But really, how did they not use ANY lube in the movie? Even with an anal plug?)
Header image courtesy of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. Article photo courtesy of Elaine Bauslir.