A Letter to my Single Self on Single's Day

Dear Self, 

Happy Single’s Day! These days, you’ve been feeling more comfortable just being you, and I’m so proud of you. Remaining single is a conscious choice and you owe it to yourself, and others, to keep making it right now. 

You’ve been in a few relationships. Four, if you want to be specific, and a few lasting longer than others. No matter the length of the relationship, each was a learning experience. Each brought you joy, and each brought you pain. Your partners have taught you so much about yourself, and you’ve come to the point where you know the largest lesson you’re in no place for a relationship right now. 

You hear the phrase every week when you watch Drag Race: “If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an amen?” 

Amen, RuPaul. 

You used to disagree, be mad at the notion that even if the boundless love you hold in your heart could not yet be extended to yourself, it could be extended to others. You now know, that didn’t work out. You know now that before you can begin to love others, you must appreciate yourself and honor yourself not just despite your flaws, but by embracing them. Continue to tenderly hold your own heart. It’s the only one you’ve got. 

You know now that need to know yourself. And you deserve far better than people who make you feel like you’re hard to love. 

You’ve spent too much time lying on the carpet of your bedroom and sitting on your kitchen floor, holding the weight of too much emotional pain, to seek relationships with people because you think they can make you feel whole. You can’t think people will fix you. They won’t. 

Sometimes you see photos of happy couples on Instagram. People celebrating their first anniversary. Even some classmates getting married. Please, keep resisting the urge to be jealous. I want to be loved like that, you think to yourself. Relax. Someday, someone will love you like that. 

Or maybe, they won’t. And that’s okay too.

Being single is better than being in a relationship where they don’t love you like how you deserve. And being single is better than being in a relationship where you can’t love them like they deserve to be loved. 

You are so busy right now. There are only so many directions in which your love can go. Make those directions to your friends, your family, your thesis. Your body. Yourself. Your emotional energy is finite, and while it is a renewable resource, you don’t deserve to run on fumes. 

Spend the rest of senior year being in love with the life you have built for yourself. Be hopelessly devoted to your platonic soulmates, who deliver all the emotional intimacy you need. Tell your friends that you love them, because they love you too. Get on that airplane to see your long distance best friend. Hug your dog. Go to that show and spend all your money on the art that chains you to this earth. Kiss your grandmother on both cheeks. 

You’re feeling the most you that you have in good, long while. Embrace that feeling. Maybe some day, someone lovely will come along and feel that feeling with you. Don’t rush it. 

Your only job right now is to be proud of yourself, and be proud of being single. You’re doing amazing, sweetie. 

Love, 

Single You