In today’s society, there is so much emphasis on a person’s first love. There is almost a societal obsession with the idea of falling in love for the first time. In the movies, girl meets boy, they fall in love, and they live happily ever after. In stories like The Fault in Our Stars, and dare I mention, The Notebook, all we see is the characters falling madly in love with each other. The idea that your first love is supposed to be your only—and more importantly—your best love, is absolutely wrong. Your first love may be, well, your first, but there is something to be said about being in love the second time around.
Let me start this off with a disclaimer; if you are still with your first love, that is so great. Clearly you two are meant to be and all the best wishes for you both! However, many people cannot say the same thing. In most cases, your first love comes, and then it goes. It is rare nowadays for a person’s first relationship to be their only and last. Your first love is almost never your last.
I have to admit, there are legitimate reasons why everyone seems to be obsessed with the idea of first love. Remember that junior high crush you thought you would just about die over? Yeah, scratch that. Your first love steals your breath, knocks you off balance, turns your whole world topsy-turvy and you swear on your life that you will never feel that way again. When you fall in love for the first time, it is unlike any feeling in the world. Everything you experience is almost indescribable and everything is brand new. Your first love very literally sweeps you off your feet and you fall for each other in every sense of the term. All of your free time is spent with them and when you’re not physically with them, you can bet that you are thinking of them. Your first love is crazy, mad, passionate, and you have never felt more alive. Any remembrance of how your life was before them vanishes and you know you don’t want your life without them in it. Your first love doesn’t necessarily have to be your first relationship, either. You can go through several relationships and think that they are your first love, but when you truly fall in love for the first time, you just know.
When your first love ends, the pain is just as indescribable as the initial feelings in the relationship was. No matter how it ended, whether nasty or amicable, it hurts badly. What hurts the most though, is that you can’t wrap your head around ever feeling that way—ever again. How could you, when you were swept so quickly off your feet, when you exchanged goodnight kisses, had cute and clever nicknames for each other based on food, and fell asleep on Skype together? When your first love ends you cannot possibly believe that anyone or anything could make you feel that way again. After all, it is your first love.
Yes, it may have been your first love, but now you know it isn’t going to be your last. It ended for a reason and no matter what that reason was, it is important to remember that you two simply are not meant to be. Once you come to that realization on your own, you will find yourself in a healthier frame of mind. But still, that fear of never finding someone who will ever make you feel that way again nags at your mind. Let me tell you though, sometimes the ending of your first love—no matter how beautiful your first love was—can be the best thing that ever happened to you.
It is time to give some credit to the second love. Your second love is better than your first love for so many reasons. Think of your first love like the first time on a roller coaster ride. All of the twists, turns, loop-de-loops, plummets, and uphill climbs take you by surprise. While all of that is exhilarating and exciting, you cannot deny that it is scary. How do you know what comes next? In the roller coaster ride that is love, you never know what to expect. All of the madness, the craziness, the feelings that feel too much like obsession after a while—it’s scary. Don’t forget the pain of the first real loss of love, either. That can be compared to being sawed in half.
Your second love is still a ride on the roller coaster, but you know what’s coming. You can anticipate that next drop, the next twist, the next climb. Your second love allows you to feel calmer while still enjoying the wild rush that comes with being in love with someone. You can swear that you’ll never love again all you want, but your second love will have a funny way of changing that.
The destruction of your first love will leave you a changed person and no matter how bitter you may feel, you will be a better person for it. The bitterness will ebb when love finds you again because you will learn to appreciate all that your first love taught you. With your first love, maybe you used to throw a hissy fit whenever they didn’t text back right away or if—God forbid—they didn’t want to watch the movie you wanted to watch. When the second love comes around, you will suddenly realize just how childish that was. You will learn to learn from your first love—and your second love teaches you all of that.
With your second love comes more rationality. You are wiser, older, better. You are more aware of who you are as a person and you know more of what you want in a relationship. Maybe now you want someone who is more motivated or someone who will encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Your second love may do things that your first love never did and you just may find how much you like it.
Being in love again is not boring. If anything, it is calmer. Maybe, just maybe, you realize you can feel everything again. And maybe, this time around, it will be on a deeper level. Your first love is a toe in the water. Your second love is a full body plunge into the water. Let yourself fall in love again, and be amazed at how much love you still have to give. Love is better the second time around.