Growing up, I was almost always thinner than most of my peers. This was not due to malnourishment or an eating disorder. While I’m not entirely sure why I am so thin, in recent years I have thought my weight is a result of my healthy eating and fast-metabolism (especially during times of not-so-healthy eating). As a disclaimer, I am not raising these points and the later-mentioned ones about my weight to brag or to provoke anyone’s self-comparison to my appearance. In fact, I sincerely hope that you practice self-love and avoid over-comparing yourself to others. I am also going to try my best to avoid comparing myself to you or to anyone else because you, like everyone else, are experiencing your own unique reality that I may not be able to fully describe. Instead, my goal is to share with you the reactions that I experience with regard to my weight, coming from both other people and me.
First, I will describe my physical appearance in terms of my weight. I am slim and generally wear a size small. While I can haul one of those 24-packs of water bottles up to my dorm fairly easily, I am by no means muscular nor do I exhibit an ideal for physical fitness. To add to that, I think of myself as thin, when I think about my weight. Other people, on the other hand, tend to refer to me as skinny, questioning how and why I “don’t weigh much.” In middle school, when I expressed my dissatisfaction with the cafeteria’s selection of food and decided to eat a salad, one of my peers asked me if “I wasn’t eating again.” Where he got this information from was beyond me because middle school was indeed the time where I ate the most. I’m talking about going home and eating half of a bag of goldfish and a piece of pizza and spraying whipped cream down my throat. My middle school years were not my healthiest years, but I was by no means “not eating,” and especially not “again.” It is important to note that my intentions are not to offend, harm or disrespect anyone who struggles or has struggled with an eating disorder by mentioning this example; instead, I feel that it is necessary to bring up this story because it demonstrates some people’s tendency to make inaccurate and potentially-hurtful assumptions about others’ weight and eating habits.
Speaking of my eating habits, I currently eat a copious amount of vegetables, fruits, whole grains and peanut butter, among other things. Essentially, I care about what I put into my body more now than I did back in middle school. One of the ways I show self-love is by eating intuitively, or by consuming the nutritious foods that my body craves, in the amounts that make me feel full. Although I receive a lot of kind comments about the foods I choose to eat, I also hear a variety of insensitive feedback about my food choices. People want to know if my healthy food choices cause me to be skinny and often pick apart my diet, judging various choices, saying that I need “more meat on my bones.”
As far as whether or not being thin is related to healthy eating, I would like to hope so. I would much rather my “skinniness” be the result of my healthful choices than of a concerning medical condition. However, I have not run an experiment in which I collected data about what is best to eat in order to weigh a healthy amount. Even with my interest in nutrition, I am not qualified to give advice on the best foods to eat for obtaining a specific body weight simply because I am thin and happen to consume foods that make me and my body feel good.
When it comes to judging me based on my “diet,” many people seem to do so without a second thought. Even family members have uttered that I “eat like a bird” or question where my protein source is, despite my reminders that I eat plenty of beans, whole grains, peanut butter and Greek yogurt. If I complain that I am cold, others sometimes respond that my sensitivity to cold temperatures is a result of being skinny. Frankly, I have no idea if there is actual evidence for this idea; that is, I have not bothered to invest my time looking into whether or not I need to gain weight in order to prevent feeling so physically cold all the time. When people argue this point, it comes across as a desire to blame my complaint on what is the quickest, most obvious “answer” to them: my weight must be the cause of all of my problems. To add to that, I look thin, which seems to serve as many people’s cop-out answer to a lot of the questions they have about me. Assumptions range from me having an easier time acquiring opportunities and possessing all of the answers regarding how to be healthy to me being unhealthy and malnourished. Thus, various people, who are not trained medical professionals and are not knowledgeable about nutrition and weight, interpret my weight in different ways, meaning that these interpretations are subjective, rather than based on fact. I won’t pretend that I don’t care at all about what others think of me; I probably wouldn’t be writing this article right now if I hadn’t a care in the world about others’ opinions. However, I simply want to point out that for everyone’s sake, opinions of other people shouldn’t hold much weight, particularly when those opinions are pulled out of thin air as quick fixes to whatever “problems” those other people happen to be observing.
Often, I get defensive in conversations that focus on my eating habits. I feel pressure to explain how I enjoy the foods I eat and that I would not be eating them if joy were not present when people pry about my diet and its connection to my weight. Further, I am not miserably eating avocado toast and black beans; conversely, I enjoy the process of taking in these foods, along with plenty of chili, sandwiches and Saga’s off-brand cinnamon cereal. Let me be clear though; it is not your responsibility to tolerate other people’s comments (unless the comments are coming from a licensed medical professional whom you trust) about your diet and your weight. Talking to both you and me: I apologize that you have experienced invalidation of your decisions about food; I feel for you during the times that people question what you’re eating or make assumptions about you based on how you look. It hurts to feel judged and stereotyped; you’re not alone and do not need to justify to others why you’re eating what you’re eating and why you weigh the amount that you weigh. While I (and likely other people) want you to be healthy, you shouldn’t have to feel attacked for your choices. Stand up for yourself when you feel safe doing so; and remember that the you that you are right now is beautiful and loved.
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