7:30am – What are these things slumping around? Hungover zombies? They need some nuts or something because these things are irritable.
7:45am – Subjects are now walking out of Casey’s and Saga with this dark liquid in their hands. They appear to have a little bit more life in them, but are still sluggish and irritable.
8:00am – Subjects are now running into the academic buildings. They look disheveled and I think one of them over there is missing a shoe. The one missing a shoe is clutching tight onto her Organic Chemistry textbook and is entering Roger Bacon.
8:15am – While gathering my morning nuts, I noticed subjects walking from the townhouses with odd party outfits and shoes in hands. Some of the girls’ makeup is still half on their faces, but smudged and not fresh. Some of the guys are wearing shirts that are unbuttoned and their ties are all messed up. Hmm.
9:00am – Subjects look a little livelier, but some are still struggling to master the art of walking. The one with the big backpack just toppled over. Don’t worry buddy, you’ll make it through the day.
10:30am – The sun is shining and it proves to be a beautiful spring day. Subjects are now conversing with other subjects. I think some of them are even smiling. Wow. What a sight.
12:30pm – It’s now free period. The campus is filled with staff and students walking all over the quad. My buddies and I like to play some jokes on the subjects. We all retreated to our trees on the quad and shook up the trees and dropped nuts on the subjects. It’s our target practice incase we ever had a true invasion.
1:30pm – Free period is now over, and while some students trickle into their classes, Public Safety is on the prowl. They feverishly ride around the parking lots and ticket people. The twinkle that I see in their eyes when they find an unregistered car to ticket is breathtaking. It parallels the twinkle that is found in a small child’s eyes when he wakes up on Christmas morning and sees all the presents Santa left for him. Beautiful, just beautiful.
3:30pm – As the afternoon draws on, subjects are sporting sunglasses and are laying out on the quad soaking in the sun and the gorgeous spring weather. Some are playing Kan Jam, reading, and drinking iced coffees and iced teas.
5:00pm – Most of the subjects’ days are winding down. As the subjects go in and out of the buildings, they are constantly holding the doors open. One kid was holding the door for such an awkward amount of time that he called his mom and asked her how her day was. Another subject ran to the door because if he had walked to the door it would’ve taken 20 seconds or so of awkward speed-walking.
6:30pm – Subjects are jovially entering Saga for dinner. Joke’s on them. If only they knew what was for dinner…
8:30pm – The students enter the library because they realize that it is more difficult to procrastinate by watching Netflix in the library than it is in their dorms.
9:00pm – Subjects in library are done scrolling through Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. They now open their backpacks half an hour later and reluctantly begin the essay that is due the following morning.
11:00pm – Subjects in library question how they could be so foolish that they, yet again, leave an essay for the day before it’s due. While they ponder the answer, they check social media again.
Midnight – Midnight comes and some of the subjects successfully completed the assignment. They head back to their respective dorms and get a well-deserved sleep.