During exam season, sometimes trips to the mall just can’t fit into our schedules. But with the American tradition of Black Friday and Cyber Monday approaching, the temptation to shop may be particularly strong—stronger, even, than your determination to meet your academic deadlines.
Online shopping is the answer to all of our problems. No raging lineups at the check-out; no toting around ridiculously heavy shopping bags; no need to be constantly ripping clothes on and off in the fitting room; no need to mingle with real-life, breathing human beings…the benefits of online shopping go on and on!
However, one must be aware of the dangers that lurk in the realm of online shopping. The monsters lurk behind every unsuspecting corner, and are ready to pounce on you when you’re at your most vulnerable.
Currency Conversion
VICTORIA’S SECRET HAS A 7 for $27.50 PANTY SALE?! YAAAAS!
This is such perfect timing, I need more underwear. I have like, no underwear. Ohmygosh, this is adorable. Ohmygosh yes, get in my shopping cart. Wait, is that already 7 pairs? That was fast.
Oh, is this all in USD? Well I’m sure the conversion to CAD will be like, a one dollar difference—THIRTY-SIX FIFTY-FOUR CANADIAN?!?!?
Tax
Oh right…I forgot about that. IS TWELVE PERCENT OF SIXTY DOLLARS REALLY THAT MUCH?! This must be a mistake. The website is broken. Who do I complain to? MOOOM! WHAT’S TWELVE PERCENT OF SIXTY DOLLARS?!
Sizing
Am I a small, or a medium? Is there a sizing guide somewhere? I can’t find it…oh, there it is! Why is the link so small? I can’t even see it. It’s like they don’t even want me to know what size I am. I have to measure my waist, hip, AND thigh?! I have no idea where my hip is. More importantly, I don’t even own measuring tape. Who owns measuring tape?! I have a wooden ruler from elementary school, though. Will that work? Yeah…no…this is kind of hard. I’ll just guess. My waist is totally 68.5 cm.
Shipping
Wait…why are you charging me for shipping? The promotional email said shipping was free! That’s the only reason I’m on here! Let me find that email…
I guess I should read the fine print. Ugh, it’s so small. I need a magnifying glass.
“Free shipping within the continental USA only.” DRAT!
Returns
“Hi! I’m great, thank you. How are you? Yes, I’d like to return this please, it didn’t end up fitting.”
“Sorry, we can’t do in-store returns on online purchases. You’ll have to take it to the post office and pay for the shipping to send it back. You might have to pay for the box too, and the tape to wrap the box up with! It will probably end up costing more than what you paid in the first place!”
“Hi! I’m great, thank you. How are you? Yes, I’d like to return this please, it didn’t end up fitting.”
“Sorry, online purchases are final sale only.”
Constant Sales
I mean…I’m saving so much money, I’m basically making money! If I don’t buy this, I’m pretty much losing money!
THIS IS NOT AN ADDICTION!
Now that you’ve been warned, Happy Cyber Monday shopping ladies!