An Open Letter to the Guy Who Thanked Me For Going Braless

Dear, Anonymous:

You sent me a picture of an ad for some kind of national no bra day and asked me if it was a real thing. Understandable, considering you don’t wear bras and assumedly, I do. I was, of course, happy to oblige because I understand passing curiosity and I assumed the question was simply that, because I like to try giving people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I had to, unfortunately, inform you of the fact that I couldn’t tell you because I never wear bras anyway so I wouldn’t know.

You thanked me.

On behalf of all the men in the world, you thanked me. If I’m being honest, I was quite offended. My choice to wear a bra does not even involve the consideration of men. When dealing with the discomfort bras provide, men are the least of my concerns. I made sure to clarify this for you so that you know that I don’t “do it for men.”

You were surprised.

 “You don’t??” you asked, as if it were common practice for a woman to dress herself with men’s pleasures in mind.

That it’s expected she does. Of course I don’t. “I do it for myself.”  Who else would I do it for?  Men aren’t the ones who are going to have to wear, or not wear, my bras.

“Ohhh,” you said.  

And you followed with a suggestive emoji.

As if you were implying that I got off on knowing that being braless would please men. By this point, I was just completely shocked. Even after the second time I said it wasn’t about men, you still were able to bring it back. No. Bras are just uncomfy af. Thank goodness you finally got it after that.

After three times of you not understanding, though, I’m not completely confident you’ve understood the whole idea after the fourth attempt, so I’m writing this letter to hopefully clear some things up.

“Thank yous” are typically reserved for services and kindnesses. I thanked my friend last week when she washed a pair of pants I needed with her other laundry, people thank the bus driver when they get off at their stop, you thank a sibling for having your back when your parents get nosy. You don’t thank someone for not wearing a bra. Not wearing a bra provides no service to anyone but the person who isn’t wearing it. It is not a kindness done to the straight men of the world so that they are able to better survey a woman’s body.

As much as society likes to make it out to be, women are not objects to service men and to be looked at and appreciated. I don’t know how many times we have to keep to saying this. Furthermore, our main goal in life isn’t to please you. If we’re looking extra nice one day, it isn’t always because we have someone we’re ‘trying to impress.’ We don’t wear clothing because we want you to touch us or call out compliments to us on the street. We don’t have to smile when you ask us to. And if we say no, that “no” sn’t just another word– it has authority.

You’re not the only one at fault for falling into this societal mindset, though, and it isn’t just other men either. We, as women, do too. Women, too, often jump to the conclusion that another woman’s actions are accompanied by the sole intention of pleasing or impressing a man. And, yes, this may sometimes be the case. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that there aren’t times where I take longer doing my makeup or pick a nicer outfit than usual because I want to look extra special for my boyfriend. There are.

However, that isn’t always the way it is. Sometimes a woman does something, just for herself. She can put on a little makeup and throw on a sexy dress and heels for a night out just because she wants to. She can do it because she likes the way she looks and because it makes her feel good about herself without any intention of wanting to impress a man. And when a woman maybe does want to impress someone, it is a CHOICE that she makes herself because she wants to, not because it is expected of her.

I am not writing you this letter, Anonymous, to tell you that I hate you. Or that I think you are a completely terrible person. I am writing this letter to ask you to change how you think and to act differently in the future and to react accordingly, because the way society seems to have been defining something doesn’t necessarily mean that it is how it should be truthfully defined. 

Sincerely,

Braless

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