My story begins winter break before my last year of high school. My mom was going to lose her job and told me the family was going to have to move away to Houston for work. At first I was furious. How could this be happening to me? I had my whole life here, how could I just up and leave it? Graduation was something my friends and I had been dreaming about since middle school and now everything seemed to be slipping away and I felt like I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I had the best friend group in the world and even though it sounds a bit cheesy, they were like family to me. Each and every one of them meant the world to me and I didn’t want to let them go.
Moving away was hard and staying in touch didn’t last very long. Looking back, I now realize that one of the main reasons why those relationships weren’t the same after I moved away was my partly fault. I didn’t text back or call nearly as much as I should of but I think a part of me did it because I felt left out and sorry for myself. They kept talking about the life I had left behind and I had nothing to share or say about it. I felt stuck because I didn’t feel like I was a apart of my old life but neither of my new one. It took time for me to find my place in my new home. When I was making friends all I was trying to do was find people to replace the ones I had left behind.
One day after school, my mother sat me down and gave me the tough love and harsh reality check I needed. She told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and that I couldn’t live in my old life, I had to move on. I wasn’t going to be able to ever be happy if I kept living in the past. Despite not wanting to hear this at the time, deep down I knew she was right. This was a lesson I needed to learn. I started to make friends not with the mindset of replacing my old ones but simply adding to them.
At the end of my school year, I took a trip back to see my old group of friends and join them for their graduation. Being back was the weirdest feeling. It felt loosely like home but also scarily unrecognizable. Things had changed so much but not because my friends had changed, because I did. Graduation was still very fun and I loved seeing them but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t fit back into the role I had once felt so comfortable in.
Through this experience, I ended up opening up and making some incredible friendships at my new school in Houston that I will forever cherish. What I realized was that through moving away, I had changed a lot as a person and perhaps that was the reason I had felt so disconnected with my friends back home. Even though the friendships with my friends have changed, I don’t think they are lost. I know I can always count on them and I hope they know they can always count on me. All the friendships I have made during my life have contributed to who I am and who I am becoming and even though I might not be as connected to them I once was, they will always hold a special place in my heart.
Dedicated to Lydia Jones, Emilie Pianarosa, Newsha Mahinpey, Lauren Mar and Jessye Pabustan.