The only conversation ever made surrounding female masturbation in my life was in middle school between friends about how they would never do it. “Disgusting,” they said. And that was it. We never talked about it again because there was a quiet, mutual knowledge that girls didn’t masturbate. It was distasteful and something to feel ashamed about. We were never told why, we just knew. You didn’t really question it.
Boys start masturbating at a young age. Girls often start much later. For me, it was in grade 8, but it took five years to get to a point where I didn’t feel like I was doing something wrong. In grade 12, I slowly began to become completely comfortable with it. It hesitantly came up in conversation with a close friend in which we were both hit with the sudden relief that we weren’t the only ones.
I eventually reached a point of confidence where I no longer felt ashamed for doing something completely natural, healthy, and that I had a right to. It became my personal goal to normalize female masturbation and stand out against the taboo surrounding it. I became open about self-fulfilling my sexual needs and began talking with peers about the subject. I was amazed to find the amount of girls who felt the same way I did, and it was outrageous.
Female sexuality has been oppressed throughout history, an extreme example being the total removal of the clitoris to prevent female orgasm in some cultures, and it is this history that has grandfathered this type of shame in women today. Although the sexual revolution has made women’s sexuality more normalized and accepted than it previously has been, stigma surrounding it hasn’t completely lifted (in many areas).
In today’s society, female masturbation is still kept under the sheets, while male masturbation is an accepted norm. Everyone knows that guys masturbate– we see it in media and we use it in colloquial language (jerking off, wanking, etc.). The most attention female masturbation gets is for the purpose of feeding the sexual desires of men. It shouldn’t be this way.
Masturbation can be an important and healthy aspect of a woman’s life. At the very least, her right to masturbation, free of judgement, whether she chooses to exercise it or not, certainly is. Almost everyone does it, it’s completely normal and natural, and there is NOTHING wrong with it! If anything, there is everything right with it.
It allows a woman to become familiar and comfortable with her own body and sexual needs through exploration. It’s healthy too! A natural stress reliever, sleep aid, and reliever of nasty period cramps (to name a few benefits). Masturbating also helps to flush out any unfriendly things hangin’ around making it beneficial for cervical health and (believe it or not!) urinary tract infections. For more details on the physical benefits of female masturbation, be sure to check out the Women’s Health Network. Masturbating will also improve a woman’s sexual relationships with others as it allows her to communicate her needs to her partners, or self-fulfill those that her partners cannot meet. And it feels great, so why the heck would we not if we want to?!
We have every right to our own sexual liberation and should not be made to feel ashamed by exercising this right. Our sexuality belongs to us and it is not something to be stigmatized or exploited by a patriarchal society. We don’t have to be afraid or ashamed about being comfortable with our own bodies and doing what we want with them.
Stand up, be proud, and do whatever you want in your own bedroom!