Roommates are a fact of life for nearly all of us have to have, unless we are blessed with the finances to live on our own. Here is the millennial’s passive aggressive guide to getting your way in shared living arrangements.
They don’t do the dishes
Solution: Use their toothbrush as a scrubber. This one’s tough because they might love the taste of last week’s lasagna lingering. If things get desperate, wash things and slowly start hiding your favourite pots and pans in places they would never look, such as the closet, where you keep the cleaning supplies.
They have loud, obnoxious sex
Solution: While we can’t add any more layers to the walls, we can equally take advantage of the paper that separates us. Blast loud, high definition sounds of a baby crying. This is guaranteed to cease any and all sounds coming from yonder.
They have that boyfriend that never leaves
Solution: Begin paying a third of the rent. When confronted, act confused because you were very sure you had a third roommate. Don’t be afraid to show video or photo evidence here.
They eat your food
Solution: Lace your leftovers with some noodle-esque worms. One look at the food that moves and they will be scarred for life from ever opening someone else’s take-out box.
Late on rent
Solution: Hold their favourite things hostage one by one until that rent comes in. If they’re gonna treat you like a loan then you have no choice but to act like a loan shark.
The best way to deal with a difficult roommate, is to not have one at all, and until that happens we are stuck with the eccentricities of how other people live.
**Disclaimer: this is not actual advice. Do not do anything stated in this article. If you do, I am not liable.
Photo Source: https://pixabay.com/en/woman-bed-female-attractive-506120/