Q: While we are becoming a more sexually liberated society, there are still some aspects of sex that don’t get as much positive attention as others. Kinks seem to get many mixed reactions, ranging from support to cringing or criticizing… What’re your thoughts?
I don’t have any particularly crazy kinks – the usual occasional commando day or pair of crotchless panties, use of a vibrator, sex in public, etc. I have no issue discussing kinks with other people, but personally save asking for these or doing them for recurring sexual partners that I trust. To me, it is important to first know that the other person will treat me as an equal and respect me and my body, and not fetishize or judge me for asking for what I want in the bedroom. This also extends to porn for me – I look for amateur-style videos that depict some give-and-take during sex, because I dislike watching women be dominated, etc, in the ways that porn portrays it (i.e., male-centric), even if that is a valid thing for a woman to want in bed.
-5th year
While I don’t have any, my roommate does. She’s a part of a large Vancouver-based kink community, that allows for individual members to connect in addition to group gatherings. We talk openly about what kinks are popular, what her preferences are, and what her experiences with the community are like. However, she and I both agreed to keep these conversations private because, for her, having people find out about her kinks could be extremely damaging professionally and socially.
-4th year
I don’t feel bad talking about my kinks. It’s what I like and my partner and I are very open and in a very loving relationship with constant communication. I am sometimes into more rough sex and I like to be pushed around, but only because I know I could stop at any second and that I’m going to be laughing and cuddling after.
-3rd year
I don’t really have any specific kinks, but I’m fairly open to trying things if my partner is interested and I feel safe and comfortable with them. Although I’m not affected by it much, I still wish we lived in a more kink supportive society. I often see people joking about certain kinks (something I catch myself doing as well) and I feel bad for the people who have those kinks. It must be awkward to feel like what you’re into is considered a joke or disgusting by the people around you that you care about.
-2nd year
I am actually very vanilla in bed, and I consistently face a weird pressure to have a kink to tell men that i have. Often men ask me “what is your kink?” And I feel like I have to say something. i often find myself making up things i don’t even enjoy because men often make me feel shameful that I am not interesting.
-3rd year
I’m an active member of the BDSM & Kink Community. It’s a really great community if you practice safety, just like with any other form of sex. I love educating curious people about kink, because it’s easy when you’re on the outside to assume things. However, I’m always very cautious of who I talk to out of fear of being “outed” or judged.
-4th year
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Between the Sheets is an series where SFU women can be empowered through reading the thoughts and experiences of women like them, and anonymously contributing their own! We deserve a space where we can feel comfortable and confident with expressing our sexuality (regardless of how sexual we are), and it’s time we make one.
Thank you to all the women who sent in their responses this week. Come back next week to read about our most embarrassing sex stories! You can send in anonymous responses and requests here: https://goo.gl/forms/4Hkc8DhkEJHa1h3i2
Check out last weeks here: https://www.hercampus.com/school/sfu/between-sheets-most-embarrassing-moments