I never knew what it was like to feel that sinking feeling of anxiety walking to my first day of class by myself because I always had him to walk with. I didn’t know what it was like to be referred to as just “Natalie” because it was always “Natalie and Joseph” or “Joseph and Natalie”- never one of us singled out. I didn’t know what it was like to come home every night without a brother waiting for me to walk through the front door to make sure I’m safe before he even thinks about closing his eyes to go to sleep himself. I didn’t know what it was like to live alone. I don’t know what it’s like to spend my birthdays by myself, and when we were younger I didn’t know how to keep everything that’s been given to me all for myself because everything I had was always split between us.
I don’t know what it’s like to live a life not being a twin— to be without someone who has been around since, quite literally, day one. Fortunately enough for me, I’ll never have to find out, either.Joseph Julian Haddad and I, Natalie Haddad, were born in Hayward, California on December 13, 1993, born into an odd combination of ethnicities- my father being from Israel and my mother from Mexico. Since that chilly day in December- and if you want to get technical about it, and 9 months before that- I have spent almost every waking moment of my life with Joseph, whom I call Joey, by my side. I don’t know how to function any differently.
It’s kind of hard to explain what it’s like being a twin because it’s all I’ve ever known, so sometimes I assume that’s how everyone lives, but it’s not. My everyday normal is not the same normal as someone who doesn’t have a twin, or even another sibling, for that matter. What I want to know is how they live their life any differently than I do…but their answer will be just like mine: “normal.”
We get asked if it’s any different living the life of a twin often. Well, we don’t know…this is all we’ve ever known! Growing up as a twin makes for a very unique growing experience. Sometimes people think of us as a unit, and I guess you could say that we are. We’re also often asked questions like, “Can you read each other’s minds?” and “Can you feel what they’re feeling?” Well, yes and yes… On some occasions we have been able to do both, maybe due to a simple feeling of intuity. We typically know when we’re thinking the same thing by a simple glance, and somehow, I always know when my one-minute-younger brother is feeling sad or when something is wrong or when he’s up to no good, and vice versa.
Making a pros and cons list is practically impossible when it comes to being a twin because every downside has an upside in some way that makes it hard for it to be a bad thing to be a twin. In all actuality, it is a total blessing. I learned how to share, how to compromise, how to protect and defend from the very start of my life. But there are some nit-picky things that aren’t too great… As a twin, since you’re (almost) always with the other, it gets tough every once in awhile to grow up with your own individuality- at least, that’s how it felt for myself. No one seems to think of you as one person, as just you; it was always you AND insert-twin’s-name-here. The older I became, the less it bothered me, but during my preteen years it was incredibly frustrating. I wanted to be Natalie. Natalie. I craved my own identity. I wanted to be one person. I was just yearning to be me aside from Joey without having to share everything I had, without doing what he did or him doing what I did, without someone…there. And although I’m sure not everyone thought of us as “Natalie and Joey,” that’s how it felt during my most dramatic pre-teen moments, and I know that most twins could relate- especially twins of the same sex. Maybe more so girls.
Another thing that wasn’t too great growing up was the tiring of each other that rose every once in awhile. Like all people, when you’re around someone too much, they start to become annoying and they begin to irritate you. Unlike some who could simply leave the party or find someone else to socialize with, there was no escaping Joey. So when being around each other became too much, we fought. And fought. And fought some more. But what else is really to be expected when you have two people, same age, growing up and going through puberty and all the daily things of teenage life under the same roof? And for a couple of years, the same bedroom?
On the plus side of having your sibling born on the same day as you, when we were little, I always had someone to play with. I had Barbies and he had Legos, but that certainly didn’t stop us. And even though we were boy/girl twins, we still looked precious when our parents couldn’t help but dress us alike. It was always a perk to have someone to walk everywhere with in public, especially since being alone can be so intimidating and scary. Having Joey be in the same grade as myself also helped because in subjects that he excels in, I am horrid. Give me English and History, give him Math and Science. Being twins meant always having your partner in crime with you, for the good and the bad, when you wanted them there and when you think you didn’t.
As Joey and I grew up, now almost 23 years old, the feeling of a lacking identity and the fighting has subsided to nothing. Maybe it’s maturity, but over that, I believe it’s turned into a true love and appreciation of one another. We lived under the same roof and shared the same experiences for two decades, and in July of 2013 I moved out of our hometown and we went our separate ways for the first time. We have only ever been without each other in this world for 60 seconds, and now we are living roughly two hours away from each other. There are lonely days, a good number of phone-calls and texts, and occasional withdrawals from always having someone with me. However, we make it work. We have an understanding of each other’s now crazy schedules involving school, working, having a social life and, you know, adulting.
The bond that twins have is unlike the bond between any non-twin siblings, no matter how close even they think they are. We share a sense that only we have: a connection. It’s always each other over anyone else, because we are mentally and emotionally inseparable. Having someone the same age as me and one who experiences similar phases in life with me is probably the best thing about being a twin. There is nothing like the special bond between twins who can confide and understand each other. That connection that my twin brother and I share is uncommon. I know that I am blessed to have a forever friend in life.
The ultimate downside? Never learning how to live alone. The upside? I’ll never have to find out. He’s there. He will always be there.