I have always been considered a “big girl,” even as a young child. Being a bigger person in general is difficult, but being a plus-sized woman can be an entirely different ballgame. Women’s weight is a constant topic in media, and it sometimes consumes my thoughts for days at a time. A lot of what is discussed online or in television is what body types are considered “healthy” or “unhealthy.” Smaller or skinnier body types are obviously considered more “healthy” and larger body types are “unhealthy.” A lot of people seem to have their own opinion on what body types are acceptable based on their own personal criteria even though absolutely no one asked. Every time a plus-sized model or celebrity is interviewed or featured on the cover of a magazine, their weight is commented on. They can’t simply do their job without being associated with their weight. It’s hard enough for women to be recognized for their talents in general; there’s no need to add comments about body size and weight.
I have struggled with my weight ever since elementary school. Even at that young of an age, my size was commented on in a negative light, whether it was intentional or not. I ended up developing serious anxiety surrounding my body and how I thought I looked, like so many other people do. I believe the earliest memory I have of feeling insecure was when I was made fun of, albeit unintentionally, for my body in a bathing suit. I was eight years old at summer camp and we were getting ready to go to the pool when one of the girls in my cabin made a comment that has stuck with me all this time. We were in a group talking before leaving for the pool when my cabinmate blatantly told me, “Wow, you look like you’re pregnant!” That was the first time I can remember feeling terrible about how big my stomach was. Every time I wear a bathing suit, I try to cover up my stomach because my mind always goes back to that moment. I can’t escape those feelings of pure anxiety and self-deprecation whenever I see how large my stomach looks in something tight fitting. When I have expressed these types of vulnerabilities and insecurities with others in the past, a common reply is “Oh I’m sorry. If you lose a little weight I’m sure you’ll feel better!” which obviously doesn’t make me feel the best.
Relating weight loss to feeling better about yourself is such a negative way to cope with insecurities, and comments like that can really damage someone’s perception of themselves. Of course I know that weight loss can help with my insecurities specifically, but I hate associating beauty and confidence with losing weight or being thinner. Bigger bodies can be beautiful, and losing weight is not the only thing that can help someone feel better. I believe that if we as a society want to actually change beauty standards, then we should be incorporating a variety of body types into our popular culture without extra commentary. Artists, celebrities and models should be known for their craft, not the size of their clothes. Normal people like you and me should be able to walk through life without worrying if people are staring or talking about you. Just try to live your life and be happy about who you have grown to be because this journey isn’t over. All of us are beautiful and unique in our own little ways, and no one should make you feel bad about that.