“I am trans.” A thing that many people, especially I, have been scared to tell themselves and their family. And that I prefer to go by the female pronouns. I won’t say I had a hard life, or a comfortable one, either. I came out to my parents, originally believing I was gay; by this time, I didn’t know much about gender, and it took me a while before I realized that what I was feeling wasn’t that I was gay. I still liked dating girls AND boys. After doing the only research my middle-school self could, I found what being transgender meant and it didn’t take long for me to resonate with and understand the feelings left by the author. Of course, I was raised with the mentality that boys are boys, and girls are girls, and there is no in-between. This, of course, created a feeling of sadness and, dare I say, caused most of my problems. I was roughly in the seventh grade and more worried about how my dad would respond, as he was practically the only one who I felt would be able to help most.
I eventually did come out to friends and got mixed results, which is sadly the way this type of thing goes for many people. With this going on, I found out more about how I felt happy doing this. I felt as though a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. However, this feeling became temporary, as around that time it seemed as though homophobia, transphobia, and a general distrust of the LGBT+ community grew to its peak, largely due to organizations such as the Westboro Baptist Church, and the general conception that women such as myself are deceitful. It was seeing these things on the news as a young child, who was already going through a difficult time, not only puberty, but searching for their identity, finding out who they are and who they want to be in life. However, despite the overwhelming fear of being ostracized, I pushed on and continued doing my own research, looking into the various gender identities and sexual orientations, and everything in between just to find where I exactly would fit in.
School was an interesting place, especially my eighth-grade year, which helped me a lot. I’ve made a friend; we will call them Jay. Jay has helped me understand more about the LGBT community and is actually the person who introduced me to things like pride, GSAs (Gender-Sexuality Alliance), and important resources like the Trevor Project. Thanks to them, I managed to be a more open with people; however, I still felt lost and wanted to find a basis to set my own journey off of. In this time, I’ve lost and gained friends, found people who supported me, and people who pushed me away. I’ve found places where who I am is accepted, and places where I’m not wanted. Overall, going to school was not just dreadful, but hopeful, because I know that no matter what, I won’t be able to be treated differently for being me–though I did have to do things I felt uncomfortable doing–but I reminded myself that one day, I will be able to feel more comfortable in my own skin. This is something that a lot of kids and teens who are trans end up feeling. However, this hope sadly comes with doubt, and can often lead a person to find drastic ways to cope with their questions, doubts, and worries.
Though, with the rise of awareness of transgender issues, struggles, and rights, I know I definitely have managed to be more comfortable living my life, inside of school, and even outside, being able to tell people that I am Taylor, and tell people I am a daughter, a sister, and still very much the same person I’ve always been.