Finding good friends is no easy task. Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but how many of them can put up with how completely weird you are? How many would you feel comfortable calling when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere? How many want to know how you’re really doing? It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, just make sure that the ones you choose to keep are worth it. There are some friendships that are not worth keeping, and here are some signs that you can do better:
1. They make you feel like their sidekick.
Good friends build you up. They don’t make you feel like you are less important than them. They listen to your problems as much as you listen to theirs. Together you’re Thor and Iron Man or Black Widow and Catwoman. The point is that they treat you like their equal; you are just as important as them. They don’t make you feel like a supporting character in your own life. If your friend only wants to talk about their problems and brushes off yours as unimportant, it might be time to walk away. (Or fly away if you actually are a superhero.)
2. They just want a yes-man (or woman).
If your friend can’t handle being told when they are being stupid, you might have some problems. You should be able to be honest with each other and let the other person know when they are being a jerk or making a bad decision. This might be more of a personal call, but I definitely want friends that aren’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong. Also, do you want to be the kind of person who just blindly agrees with everything to avoid conflict? Probably not.
3. They don’t know how to say sorry.
If your friend refuses to acknowledge your feelings, and won’t ever admit any fault of his/her own, it’s only a matter of time before your friendship goes up in flames.
4. You can’t be completely yourself.
If you unconsciously hide things about yourself when you’re around your friend because you don’t think they’ll accept it, it’s not a great friendship. As Jim Morrison of The Doors said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself— and especially to feel, or not to feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to— letting a person be what he really is.”
5. You can’t grow with them.
Some friends are only temporary. As much as you’d like to keep being friends, if you can’t grow with someone, your friendship isn’t going to last. You should aim to make friends that encourage you to try new things and let you explore other sides of yourself.
6. You feel more negative around them and are more positive without them.
This is a big one. If being around them makes you feel more negative than positive, it is not a good sign. Of course, people go through rough times and this does not mean that you should abandon your friend when they are going through something negative. It means that if your friend is a hopeless pessimist, who refuses to see the bright side or the humor in any situation, and you feel more positive without them, you should probably stop hanging out with them.
7. They isolate you from your other friends.
If they don’t want you to hang out with other people, and isolate you from making other friends, just end it. That is an unhealthy friendship and you should run far away.
8. They stop trying.
Life is hard. People get busy and lose touch sometimes. If you’ve tried to make time for a friend and they don’t seem to have any time for you, there’s nothing you can do. If they really care about you, they’ll connect with you when their life is less hectic. You shouldn’t end a friendship just because life gets in the way. But if you’ve continuously tried to connect with someone who doesn’t seem to be making any effort, then just step back and see what happens. Either they’ll contact you, or you’ll randomly see them at the grocery store in 10 years. It is what it is.
All of these are signs that you should end a friendship. However, you should also take a look at yourself and make sure you aren’t the one being a bad friend. If you want good friends, you also have to be one. Basically, just be a good person, and look for people who are ready to accept you— weirdness and all. Now I’ll leave you with this quote about friendship by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye in their spoken-word poem, An Origin Story:
“But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save some for later. I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard. Friend, I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand, and I promise I won’t let go.”