No one in the world can criticize your grief because there is no perfect way to process the impact it can have on your life. I was truly never prepared for the loss I endured when my father passed away, he was my favorite person in the world. When my father passed unexpectedly it completely turned my world upside-down. Before I could even grieve I had to learn how to cope. However, the thing that most people don’t talk about is how as the griever, you might have to comfort others.
Countless people will want to talk to you if you’ve lost someone recently, especially if it was unexpected. You’ll be hit with, “Are you okays” or my absolute favorite, “How are you doing”? You will absolutely want to answer in the rudest way one can, but you won’t. Deep down you understand the need to comfort others. They’ll picture how your loss would affect them if it were them in your shoes and they will realize how important moments are with loved ones.
Another thing I wish I knew was, the hurt will ache your entire core. It’ll be subtle on days where you think maybe, just maybe, the hurt won’t harm you. Then there will be days where you are so consumed in the loss that you wish it could have been you instead. These feelings are normal to have and yet some people won’t understand that. You have to remember that your life is still moving forward, you will be happy and you will still be able to hold on to the heartfelt memories.
Being happy doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting and it’s okay to hate the world at times because losing someone hurts. Make sure to eat all of the junk food you have stored, cry until your eyes hurt and feel what you need to feel because there is no perfect solution to feeling an emotion.
I took to my Facebook account and asked my friends what tips they had for someone that is learning how to cope, interestingly enough each person has the same basis but different strategies.
Anna Kate states, “It is very important and so vital to remember every single person grieves differently… it’s okay to react or overreact… but another very important thing, even though someone may be taking the loss very hard, it does not mean their actions are okay”.
People tend to let themselves become consumed in the hurt, focusing on all the dark aspects of life, and while this is very normal, it can really damage someone. So when you feel that impending darkness reach for you, it’s okay to reach out.
Another Facebook friend, Perry Bankston, reassures that it’s not all hurt all the time. “Don’t let anyone else determine how your mind, body, and soul deals… you may not realize it now, but losing someone makes you a better person. More understanding, caring, wiser, stronger. And with those abilities you can be a light for this experiencing this kind of pain for the first time”.
Things may seem like the end of the world but you can always bounce back in time and kindness.
Grieving doesn’t have a perfected equation that allows you to go through the steps appropriately and timely. Remember your grieving is just that, yours. It will be hell and it will be okay, you never have to forget to be happy but instead celebrate the life you loss.
Anne Roiphe, the famous writer and journalist, once said, “Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.” That’s a truthful statement on how coping is a journey.
If you or anyone you know, needs help, please reach out.
National Suicide Hotline
Grief Recovery Helpline
Source by: Catherine Greenwood
Source by: Catherine Greenwood with permission.