Building friendships is probably something you’ll never stop doing. From meeting people at the workplace to a classmate, friendships are endless. But keeping these friendships is a different story. I’ve had many friendships in my life that have come and gone, but it wasn’t until recently that I found people that I am most comfortable with. Here are some tips of what you should be looking for in a friendship that you want to last.
Compatibility
Now being compatible doesn’t mean being exactly like the other person. In fact, it’s actually the quite opposite. Being able to be unique in a relationship is something that keeps my friendships going, because we never get bored of learning something new or showing something you like to do. My best friend/roommate and I are not alike in many ways, and I feel because of that we are so much closer. I get to show her the things I like, and she gets to show me what she like and sometimes push each other out of our comfort zones. Which brings me to my next topic…
Being comfortable
Being comfortable in any relationship is really important. If you’re not comfortable with your friends, there is no way they will get to know the real you and it could lead to the friendship just fading away. For example, I knew the first time I realized that me and my friends were all comfortable with each other was when one of my friends farted in my room and everybody laughed. No one felt uncomfortable, not even my friend that farted. Being comfortable with a friend doesn’t just mean being able to be your weird self, but it also means being able to talk to them. Having a friend that will listen to your problems and help you through them is someone who is worth sticking around for. Having a friend like that is definitely needed in college, because I know sometimes I need that extra motivation to get up and go.
A friend that knows what you need, and won’t use you
Finding friends that know what you need is hard. I have gone through friendships that were very one-sided, because they didn’t understand what I needed out of the friendship. One of the worst experiences for me was my first semester in college I was taking some summer courses and I met a girl I thought I got along with very well, so we moved in with each other. I felt that I did everything I could to show her that I did truly care about her as a friend. I would take her to the grocery store because she didn’t have a car, I would buy her dinner if she didn’t have money, I would listen to her problems and give her advice, and I would help her with her homework when she really struggled. Later on, she realized she could just use me. Eventually we got into a really big argument because she decided to lie to me about her boyfriend coming over and she kicked me out of my room by telling my other “friend” to tell me This really hurt me that she didn’t have the courage to ask me to spend the night with another friend. Since then, we have not talked. Talking to your friend understanding what they need whether that is some space, or some company always helps.
Friendships work differently with everyone and take time to build so don’t worry if you are having trouble connecting with someone. Being the very awkward person that I am, it’s hard to find people that I am comfortable to talk to and express who I am. One thing I’ve been told time and time again from my mom is that there are friends that come and go, and we just have to accept that and be happy when you find the friends that are forever.
Photos by: Jasmine Tovar