How to manage an adult relationship
Before we get into things, let me preface this article with a little backup information on my personal relationship, and how I define an ‘adult’ relationship. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half today (no seriously, I am writing this on my anniversary!). We met through mutual friends, and immediately started a very passionate and intense relationship from the beginning, largely due to Covid-19 quarantine. Our “honeymoon phase” came on extremely strong, which resulted in talking a lot about marriage and our future, which I understand isn’t the case for all couples. Both me and my boyfriend were the type of people who were looking for a long term relationship, so the conversation was not too alarming. “Adult” relationships don’t always have to have marriage as the end-goal, but I do think it is important to talk to your partner about their feelings towards a long-term commitment.
For mature relationships, you need just that, maturity. Once you reach a certain age, communication, loyalty, and understanding are standards for a healthy relationship. Some of these aspects can’t be achieved on day one. It’s important to note that relationships at any level take work. Both you and your partner have to work towards making healthy and balanced decisions when problems arise. One thing me and my partner struggle with is how our personalities are incredibly similar. That can be a great thing, and it definitely has been, but we are both extremely stubborn know-it-alls, which is hard to work on. You can’t change your personality overnight, but you can learn how to pick your battles.
Something I learned from the sitcom ‘How I Met Your Mother’ that will stick with me throughout the entirety of my relationship is that it’s not always about winning. It’s about loving each other and accepting a difference of opinion or simply working out a compromise. Sometimes, your partner just wants to be heard. It may be worth it to set aside your pride every once and a while and just listen because listening is a huge part of communication. My partner and I were struggling for a long time with getting into small, insignificant arguments triggered by our need to be right. A lot of these arguments also stemmed from only spending time with each other, and not having any alone time. My advice would be to designate a room or space where you and your partner can split up during a heated moment to cool-down and asses the situation. A little time to yourself can allow you to take a step back and really understand you and your partner’s feelings.
Relationships can be scary, especially when they start getting serious and your future comes into play. I would suggest talking out your thoughts and fears not only to your partner, but also to someone from your support group. Having a second opinion can be extremely helpful when you get caught up in your own anxieties. My partner and I decided to take advantage of the free couples counseling services offered at our university and it has made a world of a difference. We ended up learning about a lot of different tools we have in our belt for stressful or unwanted situations. I definitely recommend trying to find different tools for both yourself and your partner to learn when unnecessary fights or disagreements come up.
Tune in next week when I discuss the challenging and downright terrifying task of saving money!