Anxiety, according to the American Psychological Association, is defined as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. Google defines it asa feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. To others, it can be defined as a sensation of constant feeling of embarrassment or a feeling of needing to be extra cautious because you don’t want to do anything that would make you stand out. Well, to me this is how I define it…
When it comes to new adventures and journeys, I am all for them – especially when it means I can be whoever I want to be. So, you can imagine when that college letter of acceptance came, I was over the roof. When I got that letter of acceptance to SFA, I was so excited and ready to finally get away from my overprotective parents. As the days got closer, my excitement started to go down and my anxiety started to go up.
The feeling of anxiety that I was experiencing was so intense that I was ready to drop the towel and go home, ON THE FIRST DAY. It was crazy for me to have these feelings that were so intense that made me want to quit, which is unlike me. Seeing my parents leaving was like a truck hitting me. It was so hard that I suddenly went blank on everything and I just thought about all the things that could go wrong if I stayed here. It was so overwhelming and the emotions I was feeling were so intense, I didn’t know how I was going to deal with them. I kept wanting to just cry and hide because I had the fear that everyone was just going to stare at me like I was some rare animal. I also had a fear that I was going to do something that would cause everyone to hate me and want throw tomatoes at me, like in the cartoons, but then I had a realization….
It was the realization of me not being the only one who was feeling that anxiety. That I was not the only one to start on this different, new journey that I was about to experience. Thankfully, when it comes to things like this, it sure helps to know that I am not the only one. I kept thinking things like; “Everything will be okay, just remember to breathe,” “No, they are not really looking at you, I promise,” and “When in doubt, if anything goes wrong, just remember at least the world isn’t ending.”
Thoughts like those kept me from going crazy and not crying. Additionally, it helped to know that there are so many kind people around, which sadly is not common in today’s society. At the end of the day, it took a while for me not to feel so overwhelmed, however it is still something I work on. For me, I think this feeling will never truly go away until I find my place in the great big world.