In high school I had three close friends. For anonymity, I will call them Jay, Lea, and Elle. Throughout our high school career, they each managed to have a few relationships. Most of them were unremarkable except during our senior year, Elle and Jay found the persons they would eventually marry. I was the maid of honor in Elle’s wedding, and Jay is engaged to be wed next year. Lea did not find her fiancé during our public schooling, but she is currently in a four month long relationship that she describes to me as “very serious.” As I was reflecting on my friends’ past and current relationships I had a thought:
What about me?
Before I begin I want to say, I love seeing people who are in love. It never gets old for me; the way two people can brighten up each other’s world just by being together—it’s wonderful. I also fully endorse the relationships my friends are in. However, when your friends start on a new part of their life, it can be isolating. After Elle got married, I lost touch with her when she moved out of the country to live with her husband. With Jay I have the same fear. Even before they got engaged, it was hard to relate to my friends when it came to their significant others. I have never been in a serious relationship and when I see what feels like everyone either getting married or engaged, it’s easy to believe that there’s something wrong with me. I know this isn’t true. It’s an irrational fear that haunts me because of society’s fixation on women getting married. You can’t escape it. Finding love is the plot for a million or so books, TV shows and movies.
If you feel the same as me, I’ve got some words of wisdom for you. You’re so much more than your relationship, or your lack of one. You shouldn’t be dependent on another person to define yourself as “good enough.” It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to the other person. I know it can be hard, especially if you want to be in a relationship for all the right reasons (excuse my Bachelor reference), but I think forcing a relationship is the last thing anyone should do.
Be happy for your friends. If they’re truly your friend, they won’t abandon you just because they’re married. Help them with the wedding in whatever way you can. Planning a wedding is stressful for anyone, especially a college student.
Finally, enjoy yourself. Not only at your friend’s wedding reception, but in your life. It’s a wonderful thing to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but don’t waste the best years searching for them. Life’s too short for that.