When you come to college, you get exposed to a lot of diversity that you may or may not have seen before, depending on where you’re from. If you’re from somewhere like Austin or Dallas, chances are you probably know at least a few LGBT+ people. If you’re from a smaller town, you may not have a lot of openly LGBT+ people in your community due to the dynamic of small town life. Everyone knows everything! And that can be a lot for someone who’s just coming out and may not know how people are going to perceive them.
Being a member of the LGBT+ community has taught me a lot, and I’ve only been out for two years. You get so many very personal questions from people, and often times, they can be borderline or just downright offensive. It’s important to remember that LGBT+ people are just that— people! We deserve to be respected, just like everyone else. I mean, just think about it, you wouldn’t want someone to ask YOU about your genitals would you?
From what I’ve seen, heard and read as an LGBT+ person, as well as from stories from my LGBT+ loved ones, here are some things you should never say to your lovely LGBT+ friends:
PS: If you are personally triggered by any phobia related to the LGBT+ community, please read with caution!
1. “So like, who’s the guy and who’s the girl in the relationship?”
This is a question I’ve seen asked to just about every same sex couple, and it’s got to stop. The point of being in a same sex relationship is that exactly— the people in it are attracted to the same sex.
2. “You’re bisexual? Are you sure you’re not just confused?”
In addition to being offensive, this question is also hella assumptive. Bisexual people are not confused. They literally know they are attracted to either sex— get it? 2? Bi? It works.
3. “You’re too pretty to be a lesbian.” Or “You’re too manly to be gay.”
There’s no right or wrong way to be gay. The way people identify their orientation has literally nothing to do with the clothes they wear, their muscle mass, the length of their hair, if they like sports, if they like shopping— I could go on and on. It’s 110 percent OK for boys to be pretty and for girls to be tough, or whatever adjectives you want to throw into that.
4. “So you’re transgender, have you had the surgery?”
This is by far the MOST offensive question I’ve encountered being in the LGBT+ community. It is never your business to ask about someone’s genitals unless you are in a consensual, intimate relationship and are trying to respect their needs. Gender has nothing to do with your biological sex, A.K.A. your genitals. They’re two completely different things. Also, chill with the surgery questions. That’s, again, none of your business and also, some people elect not to have surgery.
5. “Who’s the top and who’s the bottom?”
This question can be borderline offensive when posed to the LGBT+ community because it’s invasive. Sex is a personal thing for many people, and unless you really know someone wouldn’t give a crap if you asked, it’s way better to be respectful and just not. Besides, how would knowing this really benefit you in any way? As Jenna Marbles once said . . .