Twas the night before Fratmas, when all through the house
Not a single beer was poured, not even for a mouse.
The actives had crafted their letters with care,
In hopes that the pledges soon would be there.
A rushee was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of Natty Light danced in her head.
Our freshman was ready to find her new home.
Oh, how drunkenly through McClurg she would roam.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Her roommate had raided the same condom stash.
She told them to find another place to crash.
She knew that she’d need all the sleep she could get,
but all of a sudden she started to fret.
What if I don’t get a bid, what if I fall through?
I’d be so ashamed, I don’t know what I’d do.
Then all of a sudden, the Rush Fairy appeared
and told her, “Don’t cry! You have nothing to fear!
You’re beautiful, smart, kind and courageous
Worrying about a bid is just plain outrageous.”
Then came eight Sewanee deer she had rallied
from the woods and the creeks around Abbo’s Alley.
Like valiant Rudolphs, they heeded the call
To lead the Rush Fairy, as soon as she named them all:
“Now Natty! now, Miller! now, Bud and Bud Lite!
On, PBR! Keystone! on Busch and Coors Lite!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
They took off on a mission to deliver the fun,
They were fast, and like Bacchus, they stopped for no one.
So over to Hagi the Rush Fairy flew,
Without so much as a “bye” or “adieu.”
The rushee sighed loud and went back to sleep,
And dreamed of the sisters that she would soon meet.
Would they be nice? Should she be scared?
And, most importantly, what should she wear?!
She’d heard to wear camo, from her gloves to her boots,
Screw sundresses, pull out that old combat suit.
Bring loaves of bread, be ready for glitter all down your back.
And write your ID on both arms, in Sharpie, and black!
Meanwhile, the actives were also awake,
restless with wonder about who would they shake?
What if no one preffed us? Did our skit really suck?
At Return House, were we not welcoming enough?
The next morning, the lists were all taped to the doors,
the names of girls they had been waiting for.
Each active eagerly gathered around,
and then screams of joy were their only sound.
The shouts traveled quick down University Avenue,
From Wheat House to Barnwell, and Married Housing too.
Finally, the cheering and screaming subsides:
It’s game time. They go up to Fred’s for supplies.
The bell tower rings, it’s just half-past eight,
and all the freshmen girls can do is sit back and wait.
Why do these hours go by so slow??
Why can’t they just tell me? I just want to know!
Waiting and guessing are by far the worst parts,
They already dropped fifty bucks on Carhartts!
The freshmen all wonder who will be their shakers,
Or if they’ll have one at all, were there any takers?
2 o’clock came along, the whole campus was stirring,
Word that the Proctors had bid cards came a’whirring!
Then a small piece of paper slipped under the door.
These girls had no clue what the day had in store.
They slipped on their bean boots and went to McClurg.
As they ate all their carbs, from yonder they heard
a cry that could make Santa’s elves hesitate:
“Merry Fratmas to all, and to all TIME TO SHAKE!”