In the words of Billie Joe Armstrong, “summer has come and past, the innocent will never last.”
That’s right freshman, that lyric is directed at you. By now you have probably heard some disturbing, ridiculous, and ever so hazy stories from upperclassman as they reminisce on their freshman experience all those years ago. Heck, you could have made some of those stories yourselves this past weekend. Whether these stories inspire you or terrify you, there is no need for history to repeat itself. That’s right! There are ways to preserve your cherubic selves. Here are some precautionary tips to ensure that the Advent semester of 2016 goes swimmingly.
While it is neither nothing to be ashamed of nor abnormal in the slightest, some people sweat more than others. If you are victim of excessive perspiration, you probably shouldn’t go out at Sewanee, in fact, just go home. Just kidding. Just don’t wear gray. As much of an aphrodisiac as the classic groutfit is—gray on gray, an all gray outfit—if you sweat a lot, try and avoid the gray. Black or white—great—but as we all know, it is that ambiguous gray area that gets us all into trouble. Pro tip: invest in a handkerchief! Not only will you look dapper in this timeless accessory, it is perfect for taking care of a glistening upper lip or a damp neck. We are all porous people, but it is much more fun to hug someone who isn’t sweaty, or at least doesn’t look like it.
Trying to cut down on calories? Eat before you go out. It seems logical to cut calories on a night out by cutting dinner from the equation, right? No. Wrong. If you are like most Sewanee students, and especially if you skipped meals, you will inevitably be struck down by fammine at the end of the night. Between your nutritionless body and your altered mindset, it is likely that you will find your way to the Tiger Pub around 12:30. There you will engage in a Thanksgiving feast of chicken tenders, mozzarella sticks, grilled cheese, and whatever else you can fit on the table. There is nothing wrong with this sequence of events; however, if it is fueled by starvation, and if it will hinder your quest for a six pack, then this scenario is dangerous. While late night fellowship in the pub is crucial to the Sewanee experience, it does inevitably undo your diet progress. And while this journey toward healthy living is important to you right now, chances are in the moment you probably won’t care. So to save yourself the regret and gym workout next day, grab your roommate and do a little pre-party clurgin’.
**do not let this be you, that’s no way to go through life
It might be deceiving that it is called a ‘house,’ but fraternity houses are not like regular houses. Built like any house, the frats do indeed have floors, staircases, and windows, or at least window frames; however, the accessibility of these common structures is often dodgy. As we journey through this semester, the frat sludge will slowly but surely begin to accumulate everywhere. Be cautious of this. There is nothing worse than having indulged yourself in a few spirits, but not to the point of falling, and yet you still wiped out down a flight of stairs or across a dance floor. The bruises you will suffer are not nearly as bad as the shame you will feel for such lapse of motor skills or the hardship you will encounter in trying to justify your transgression by claiming reasonable sobriety. Remember to watch your step and perhaps invest in Band-Aids, as all the caution in the world proves no match for some of those houses.
**don’t let this be you, that’s no way to go down stairs
Other tips include: being aware of your surroundings, use your manners, go to class, say your prayers, and pace yourself. It’s a four-year marathon, not a four-year sprint. But if you want to sprint the first two, just keep in mind you’ll be pretty winded by the third. Trust me.