Last Tuesday night, the Women’s Center, the Gay Straight Alliance, and the Gender and Sexual Diversity House teamed up to host a panel called “Bi the Way: Stories from the Bisexual Spectrum.” The discussion was devoted to combating misinformation and stigma against the bisexual community, and sharing the real life experiences of individuals whose sexuality just doesn’t conform to the traditional gay-straight paradigm.
“My driving force for organizing the event was to raise awareness for the LGBTQ community here at Sewanee, and to eradicate the negative stereotypes towards bisexuality,” explained Kathryn Willgus, member of the GSD House and organizer of the event. “I want people on our campus to know that we are here and we have stories to tell; not only that, but that we are real people with personalities and individual traits besides bisexuality.” This theme of a shared humanity was repeated several times throughout the evening, as the five panelists confronted topics ranging from the emotional nature of coming out to friends and family to discrimination and confusion from within the LGBTQ community and outside it.
A few takeaways from the conversation (admittedly, some of the editorializing is my own):
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Bisexual people are not raging sex machines driven by blind desire and raging hormones (i.e. “Just because I’m attracted to guys and girls doesn’t mean I’m attracted to all guys and girls”).
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Bisexuality does not mean that one just goes back and forth between being straight and gay (i.e. “Just because I’m dating a guy doesn’t mean I just like guys”).
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Advice for people dating someone who identifies as a bisexual: Trust one another, and communicate about sexuality. An individual who is attracted to both men and women is not any less likely to be faithful, loving, and very much attracted to their significant other.
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Bisexual people are not choosing to be bisexual for attention. To suggest this is to trivialize a fundamental aspect of their identity.
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Bisexuality is real. People aren’t just “gay but confused.” Exploring one’s sexuality is a deeply personal process which many people struggle with for years as they confront internalized heteronormativity and exterior prejudices. Please do not contribute to this by telling people they are confused.
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In a society obsessed with absolutes, ambiguity in sexuality can be confusing. As one panelist pointed out, it may be something “you’ll never figure out, and that’s okay.”
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Sewanee’s campus and Greek life, while still a long way from true inclusivity and supportiveness of the LGBTQ community, has made incredible strides in recent years towards greater acceptance. In fact, many panelists found a great deal of support and love from the members of their own Greek organizations as they struggled with their sexuality.
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Individuals are more than their sexuality, and limiting the identity of your peers to their sexuality hinders your ability to build deep and abiding relationships. Just because someone is attracted to both men and women does not mean they are not also an incredible dancer who cares about the environment and enjoys hiking the P-Trail.
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An informal survey of the panelists revealed that while some had enjoyed pleasant sexual experiences with men, women are better in bed. Congratulations, ladies.
Responses to the event were largely positive, with sophomore Katie Kennerly exclaiming, “I thought the event was awesome! People don’t often talk about bisexuality, it gave me a new perspective,” and junior James Szewczyk stating, “It cleared up a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality, like when a guy is bisexual and dating a girl, he isn’t just like magically straight.” I personally found the conversation refreshing and exciting. It served to bring down the walls that divide us, and, as Ms. Willgus explained, to show individuals are not defined only by their sexuality. Bi the Way reminded us all that sexuality is one of the myriad of traits which construct our identity, and even as we seek to understand it, we should never forget to try to truly understand one another.
Note: While the panelists who participated in this discussion may be open regarding their sexuality within the context of Sewanee’s campus, not all participants have necessarily come out to their families or friends. Thus, their identities will remain anonymous.