Ah, roommates. They’re a quintessential aspect of college life, but sometimes, they can also be a source of unnecessary frustration and stress. Believe me, I know. Two years ago, when I was a freshman, I had never lived with another person before and didn’t realize how hard it can actually be. I had no idea what to expect, so I made tons of mistakes and put a lot of strain on my relationships with my roommates. Thankfully, I’ve (mostly) learned from the mistakes I made during freshman and sophomore year, and now I’m here to help you! So, whether you’re a freshman who’s never had a roommate or an upperclassman who just needs a quick refresher on roommate etiquette, here are eight tips to help you become a better roommate—because here at Sewanee, your biggest concerns should be your classes and your friends, not the fight you had with your roommate last night.
1. Have realistic expectations.
I cannot stress how important this is. Even before you meet your roommate, you need to make sure that your expectations for your relationship are realistic. Accept that you probably won’t be best friends for life and understand that you don’t need to be. Instead, strive to be pleasant and respectful towards each other.
2. Talk with your roommate as soon as you both move in.
Communication is key in any functional roommate relationship. Start the year off on a positive note by getting together with your roommate to discuss your class schedules, your sleeping and studying habits, and any other information you think is relevant, such as any food allergies you might have. This discussion is going to become extremely important later on, as it will allow you both to define the ground rules that will govern your relationship for the rest of the year.
3. At least try to bond.
Like I said, you probably won’t become best friends with your roommate, but there’s no reason you can’t be just-plain-ol’-regular friends. This is especially important if you and your roommate are freshmen and don’t know many people on campus. For some people, it can be stressful going to McClurg or the S.U.T. alone, so invite your roommate along! You don’t have to do everything together, but try to occasionally hang out. Hopefully, it’ll help alleviate some of that unfortunate roommate awkwardness and maybe even allow you to make a new friend.
4. Be clean.
Please. Please. Please. For the love of all that is good and holy, please be clean. Please wash your dishes. Please take out your trash. Please don’t leave your dirty laundry lying on the floor. Please keep your things on your side of the room. If at all possible, try to make your bed. Keep in mind that “your” room is not really your room at all, but a room that you are sharing with at least one other person. Trust me on this one: a clean room will make life easier for everyone.
5. Be respectful.
This is quite possibly the most important tip on the whole list. Respect for your roommate is absolutely essential if you want to live together peacefully. This means respecting your roommate’s sleep schedule. It means keeping the noise level to a minimum by using headphones and leaving the room if you need to make a phone call. It means asking permission before using your roommate’s things. Basically, just do what your kindergarten teacher taught you to do and follow the Golden Rule. If you treat your roommate the way you want to be treated, you shouldn’t have any problems.
6. Be reasonable about guests.
Both you and your roommate should feel comfortable inviting people over to your room. However, if you do have people over, it’s a good idea to let your roommate know about it ahead of time—especially if you’re inviting a large group or if someone’s spending the night. On a related note, if you’re planning on bringing someone back to your room so you can, you know… Please wait until a time that you know your roommate will be gone for a while. This is why you discuss your schedules at the beginning of the semester. Seriously, guys. Sexiling your roommate is not cool.
7. Communicate.
As I said earlier, communication is key. If a problem does arise between you and your roommate, talk honestly, openly, and directly with them about it. Do not be passive aggressive and do not be silent. I know that conflict can be terrifying for some people, but I promise, whatever issues you have will get resolved much quicker if you just sit your roommate down and talk to them. And no, snarky Post-It notes do not count as an effective means of communication!
8. Be understanding.
Above all, remember that your roommate is human. They’re going to make mistakes. They’re going to upset you. Try to look past their flaws as much as you can and forgive them when they apologize. Ultimately, you and your roommate are in this together, and if you work as a team, you can help make each other’s Sewanee experience into something really amazing.