Ask SHUrly - Advice on Dating

This week’s Ask SHUrly question: Dating & Relationships

“I was sleeping with this one guy during fall semester, and then we stopped during break. I went on a date the other day, and he apparently works at the place we went. He texted me after our date asking to ‘hang out’. What do I do?”

– A, sophomore

Dear A,

There is so much to unpack with this question as well as my own follow-up questions! First, the guy you were sleeping with, we’ll call him X, did/do you have feelings for him? Was “sleeping together” a casual thing that you established with each other early on? I think seeing you on that date sparked some jealousy in him. Especially, if you both went your separate ways over break and never spoke again (until that text), there’s still some things left up in the air about your relationship. It also kind of sounds like he wants to start hooking up again.

As for the date, was it with someone you felt some sort of connection? (We’ll call them Y). Do you want to see Y again and see where things go? Are you looking for a relationship or something casual? I think it is extremely important to know exactly what it is you want. If you think X is asking you to “hang out” simply because he saw you with someone else and you’re not beat for that, then let him know you’ve moved on and you won’t be seeing him anymore. There is truly nothing to lose in being straightforward and honest with people (and yourself). Communication is key.

I can’t exactly tell you what to do, but I can suggest taking a step back to figure things out with yourself. What do you really want? If you want to see X again, then go for it. However, I’d advise you to be careful, only because he seems to only want something once it’s gone and on a date with someone else. If you want to see Y again, then I suggest you go for it, too! If you like X and want to see him again, then you should let him know, that way it’s clear where you stand and in turn, he can tell you where he stands. Same thing goes for Y, if you like them and want to see them again.

Dating and relationships can get super complicated, but simply communicating our feelings can really solve many problems in this area. Communicate what you feel, want, need, etc. The person on the receiving end will have a better understanding of the situation, how you see it and things like “mixed signals” won’t be an issue.

I hope I helped answer your question, A! Whatever you decide to do, just remember it should be because it is what you want.

Sincerely,

SHUrly