A movie doesn’t have to win awards for me to think it’s good. Sometimes I explicitly seek out cheesy movies that will make me feel good, because I don’t need to analyze everything I’m watching. But there’s a big difference between bad movies that are enjoyable and bad movies that are just, well, bad. The following is a list of romantic movies I watched that I wish I hadn’t.
- Blue is the Warmest Color
-
I hate this movie. Even the author herself said this movie has a gross portrayal of lesbian sex, making it more pornographic than anything. Aside from that, I think the film is just a really horrible depiction of bisexuality and lesbianism. (I wrote about this a couple years ago in another article.) The relationship is super toxic on both ends, and nothing about this movie is enjoyable to watch. This was the first LGBTQ+ movie I ever watched, and it’s supposed to tell the story of Adele and Lea’s relationship, from when they met to their breakup; Really it’s just three hours of porn with a couple other scenes thrown in here and there. You can watch it on Amazon Prime with a premium subscription (though I strongly recommend you don’t).
- The Happiest Season
-
I was promised a queer Christmas story, and this movie did not deliver. I think if they had accurately advertised it, saying it’s more about a family that is horrible to each other every chance they get, I probably would have liked it. There were some funny scenes, and having Kristen Stewart and Aubrey Plaza certainly didn’t hurt, but this isn’t the movie to watch if you’re looking for a movie that focuses on a gay couple. Honestly, it’s not a movie to watch if you’re looking for a romantic movie at all. You can stream it on Hulu, but avoid it if you want to watch a romantic movie.
- Notting Hill
-
I feel like this might be a little controversial, but oh well: The movie was boring. Julia Roberts’ character was so awful, I was actively rooting against her and hoping to see her fail. And Hugh Grant’s character was so two-dimensional, it was hard to root for him either because he was so damn dull. Roberts plays a famous actress and Grant plays the owner of a bookshop. The film takes place in London, which sounds like it should be right up my alley, but I cared so little about either of the characters that I found myself waiting for Roberts’ iconic line, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love her,” so I could say I’ve seen it and move on. You can rent it on Youtube, iTunes, or Amazon, but for my sake and yours, find something more exciting to do with your time.
- Shallow Hal
-
Sometimes we hold onto movies that didn’t age well, like Grease; Shallow Hal feels like it never should have been made. The fatphobia in this movie is disgusting. Jack Black plays a shallow man named Hal who has a spell put on him. From then on, he only sees people’s internal looks rather than their external appearance. As a result he falls in love with a really fat woman, but he sees Gwenyth Paltrow. There is literally one good scene in this movie, and it’s the child actors who make it good. I genuinely don’t recommend that anyone watch this movie, ever. I’d like to pretend it doesn’t exist. You can stream it on HBO Max, but I’m confident you could find a better way to spend two hours.
- Sierra Burgess is a Loser
-
This is another movie I have previously written about, so if you’re interested in a more in-depth reason about why I hate it so much, you can check that out. Basically, Sierra Burgess sucks. She uses a girl she doesn’t even like to deceive this guy into liking her, and whenever anyone tries to call her out for being a bad person, she tries to say that she does it because she’s insecure about her plus-sized body, even though she says throughout the film she doesn’t have any issue with the way she looks. Bad representation, bad plot, overall just bad. You can watch it on Netflix, but don’t.
- The Half of It
-
I wanted to like this movie so much. I had heard great things about it. But when I finally watched it, I wondered if I had even watched the same movie as everyone else. For one, I don’t like the deception plots similar to Sierra Burgess is a Loser, though this one is not nearly as manipulative. This movie follows a girl named Ellie who accepts payment to write her class’s essays. One day, a boy named Paul asks her to write a love letter to a girl named Aster, but (spoiler alert!) Ellie has a crush on her too. From then on, Ellie basically coaches Paul on how to talk to Aster to get her to like him. The plot was really slow, and at certain points I started asking myself why I cared. I watched this movie when I was sick and bedridden, but I think in literally any other situation, I would have turned it off and found something better to watch. You can watch it on Netflix, but maybe only if you’re looking for some background noise.
This weekend (and every weekend, honestly), you deserve to watch good movies! And there really are so many amazing romantic comedies and dramas, so why waste your time on a bad one? You can check out my other article, “The Greatest Romantic Movies of All Time (According to Me)” if you’re looking for some good movie recommendations. We’ve all been through enough the past year; the least we could do is watch a good movie this weekend.