How to Handle Being Friend-Zoned

The Urban Dictionary defines the state of being friend-zoned as the following: “A particularly aggravating metaphorical place, that people end up in when someone they are interested in only wants to be friends. It is impossible to get over someone while in the friendzone, because, as friends, you still see them too often for them to be erased from your memory, and yet, you cannot be with them the way you want.”  It is the place you will go if there is no further connection past a platonic one. However, the friendzone doesn’t have to be a bad place. I have fallen victim to being on either side; friendzoning someone and being friendzoned, so I understand that not everyone is meant to be. But I’m here to give you the steps to the light at the end of tunnel because there is still value in friendship.

The first step is to realize that you have these romantic feelings, but the hugs and subtle gestures, might just be all in your head. After this discovery you can figure out the best way to deal with them by having your head and your other parts in the right mindset.You can begin the steps of accepting this said person for who they are instead of the person you want them to be. To do this, recall all the fun times you had as happy memories shared between two friends instead of as your crush. By doing this you can both have a deeper appreciation of one another without looking for a romantic connection.


Once you have accepted these memories as nothing more than just two friends hanging out, you can advance to the next step: talking to someone else. You aren’t talking to someone else to make your friend jealous, but to see that there are more fish in the sea. An important part of moving on is realizing that they’re not the only one, and that there may be someone unexpected in your life. Take a look around and you might realize that someone is able to offer you a different sort of relationship. Therefore, another element of this step would be to find ways to include both your friend and significant other, with no animosity, in your array of diverse relationships. I don’t want you to replace the person who you originally had feelings for, but to find a healthier means to a romantic connection.


In this final step I’m going to emphasize the importance of not being bitter. It can be difficult dealing with your feelings if things don’t workout. You were expecting one thing, hoping for one thing, and it didn’t happen. That sucks. But if you allow that friendship, explore a romantic relationship with someone else, you can learn a lot about cultivating healthy, diverse relationships. Open yourself to the idea of exploring more opportunities in platonic group settings or taking some time for yourself. If you are willing to grow from these experiences it can open you up to more self acceptance and becoming more prepared for the next time you get butterflies.


This cycle of being friend zoned and/or needing to friendzone someone can give you time to find out who you are and what you want out of significant other. I want you all to take away that being friend zoned, can actually be a very positive part of your life. Follow these steps, and you can find deeper and different connections with both new and constant people. The idea is to accept this person or people as a friend and continue to treat them as such with no ulterior motive. The friendzone can be a dark and lonely place, or it can be a sunny, happy place full of fulfillment. The choice is yours.