I was having a hard week.
I woke up already exhausted from a restless night of sleep due to emotion-filled days of a not-so-great week. I choose to fall back asleep for a few more minutes before I had to get ready for my 9:30 am class. This is a risky game, but I usually play it well.
Today, I did not.
I awoke again at 9:17 am in a panic. I frantically got ready and arrived late at my 9:30 am class. As I took my seat, projected onto the whiteboard I faced POP QUIZ #4 in obnoxious, bolded letters.
I wanted my day to be over when it had barely just begun.
Today, it might have been little things that affected me, but in the days prior it was my mental health, my academics, and my friend group. All of which seemed everything but little to me. I wanted to break the pattern of this unfortunate week, but I had little optimism left in me.
Realistically, this was one bad day. But this one bad day had a hold over my mood and my anxiety began to affect the way I perceived myself.
I was staring at myself in the mirror, uncomfortable in my skin. Being underprepared for one 5-point pop quiz left me feeling like an inadequate student, and irresponsible with my academics. There was not one outfit that made me feel cute. Anxious thoughts and feelings flooded my mind. Missing my friend’s phone call because I was writing an essay made me feel like a horrible friend.
Regardless of how I was feeling, I pulled myself together as much as possible and headed to my sorority house for an event we were having. Immediately as I was waking up, I heard my name being called enthusiastically by a friend. We chatted for a few minutes and I was about to walk away, my friend says “I don’t know how but you always make me so happy when I see you.” The sweet comment made me smile but I didn’t put much thought into it until I bumped into another friend. She began our conversation with “I love when I see you. You have such good energy”.
It is the little, difficult moments that add up but in the end, are the most fleeting. If someone asked me what I was upset about last week, I can say with confidence that I would not remember and would already be dealing with a new set of inconveniences. Although, it’s the sweet, unsuspecting moments that leave the most impact, and those are the moments I know I will remember.
We are often our own worst critics and it is hard to gauge whether or not our self-perceptions are accurate. If you know me, you know how often I preach that I wish my friends could see themselves the way that I see them. Too often I forget to apply the same reasoning to myself.