https://knowitallnancy.com/know-it-all-nancy/blog/5-ways-develop-and-keep-men-friend
“Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.” –Plato, The Symposium
Uhh… WOW!
The popular term that society uses to describe friendships is platonic. This term actually refers to Plato’s concept of love which very generally describes two souls, in their natural state, coming together to form a union of truth. This definition does describe a true friendship. Most of us would say that we are completely ourselves around our best friends, two souls in their natural state, and that we develop a deep trust with that friend, forming a union of truth, and finally, we support one another through life’s inevitable changes, healing the wound of human nature.
Understanding the derivative of platonic, we can see how these relationships not only imply connection and support but include a deep vulnerability through the bond of one human to another human. You might have heard a girl talk about her guy best friend and say something like “Oh no, we are completely platonic.” Why is this the term we decided to label friendships with considering it has such intimate notions? Specifically, why do we use this term when describing our friendships with guys? Plato’s idea of two souls connecting and becoming one sounds incredibly romantic, but friendships aren’t romantic. His definition of platonic implies that loving someone so much and becoming one with them is reserved for romantic relationships, but this concept can describe close friendships as well. Society has made its own definition of the word platonic that differs from Plato’s–this new definition serves to reinforce that the relationship is solely a friendship.
Studies have shown that close friendships with guys can be difficult to maintain because of underlying emotions and sexual attraction that has the potential to grow within either person involved. But if being friends and enacting this new idea of platonic friendship is your goal, these are five boundaries you can set to maintain a platonic relationship with him:
CONFIDENCE IS KEY
Sometimes we might feel scared or nervous to turn down our friend’s pursuit of romance because we could decrease closeness by rejecting them. Additionally, we might fear that without sexual allowances, our friend would not want to continue the relationship at all. But, I encourage you to kill this murky purgatory stage and have the confidence to tell him you just want to be friends. Although it may take some recovery time, if he truly is okay with being friends, he should come around.
50/50 FRIENDSHIP
It is a classic phrase for romantic relationships that each partner should put 50/50, or the same amount of effort, into the relationship to make it work. The same is true for friendships along the lines of making an effort to stay at the agreed relationship status–platonic friendship. Both parties should be working toward this mutual goal until there is an established understanding. If one side starts to develop feelings, the other can try having a conservation about it but the likelihood is that the romantic pursuits will only continue if that is the person’s goal. You and your friend both need to have the same goal of friendship, putting in 50/50 effort, for the platonic relationship to prosper.
PAY FOR YOURSELF (MOST OF THE TIME)
In order to emphasize that both of you are just hanging out as friends, it would be a good idea to pay for yourself sometimes. If you allow him to pay for you too much, it may translate into a date-like hangout rather than friends. This is a simpler way of reinforcing the platonic relationship, but nonetheless important to recognize that little things such as paying for food can communicate romantic inquiry. But of course, if he insists on paying in a friendly manner, let him pay so it isn’t offensive. Aggressively communicating friendship and promoting a non-romantic tone would be worse; context with this is key.
MINIMAL AFFECTIONATE TOUCHING
Hugging at the beginning and end of a hangout shows physical affection which we all like to share with our closest friends. Even a kiss on the cheek is normal between friends depending on the cultural context. Gauging the appropriate amount of physical affection is important for the platonic relationship as a means to avoid communicating romance or violating that person’s personal space.
RESPECT FOR OUTSIDE PARTNERS & FRIENDS
Okay….this is a big one. One of the primary reasons for guy and girl friendships being terminated is due to the uncomfortableness, valid or not, of a significant other. If you, your friend, or both of you have significant others, I encourage you all to hang out together. This way they can get to know each other and witness the friendly interaction firsthand which could decrease jealousy. But as we all know, envy is the strongest emotion. Just hanging out may not work, so communicating with your significant other and best friend to maintain the comfort of everyone involved is crucial to saving the platonic relationship.