If one thing can be known with certainty, it is that caffeine is a college student’s best friend. It’s a staple of college survival. Sometimes, standing in line at Starbucks at 7:30 a.m. in a desperate and delusional state of sleepiness, I’m ashamed to be that girl. You know what I mean. “Can I have a chai latte with nonfat milk, a shot of espresso, and a pump of sugar-free caramel syrup? Oh, and extra hot, please.” Yeah, that girl. It has high-maintenance written all over it. But what does a man’s Starbucks—or Mission Bakery—order say about him? And what better way to gauge a man than by his choice of fuel, right? Here’s what we’ve determined:
Americano: Straight-to-the-point. This gent is goal-oriented and knows exactly what he likes, though he may be a bit watered-down at times. Average cup of joe or just your average Joe? Underneath that focused façade, however, is a kid at heart. He loves to have fun and he takes his favorite sports team very seriously.
Latte: He’s definitely an Arts & Sciences kind of guy. He’s not afraid to do what he loves, and he’s always going to be more concerned with following his passions than with making money, which is pretty hot. He probably wears patterned sweaters and isn’t afraid to court a woman the old-fashioned way, either.
Mocha: He’s the guy that wants everyone to think he’s the kind of guy that likes coffee. He wants people to take him seriously, trying to hide beneath a guise of sophisticated coffee drinking, while essentially just consuming chocolate. We don’t know if we can take him seriously, but he’s bound to be a lot of fun. He’s the guy to go paintballing and tailgating with; he’s spontaneous and unpredictable.
Espresso: He wears nice shoes and pays more than he wants you to think for his haircut. He’s probably going to be the CFO of a Fortune 500 company one day, and he also likes to think—whether it’s true or not—that he’s pretty good looking. Watch out for this one. (We have to admit he’s probably a smooth talker, though).
Earl Grey Tea: He almost certainly wears glasses and loves Hemingway. He’s quiet—both his fashions and his demeanor are understated, and you know he’s an introvert. He has a predictably hipster taste in music, and there’s something almost endearing about his nonchalant attitude. He’s the type that doesn’t really know he’s attractive, and that makes him all the more attractive.
Hopefully this brief summation can give you a quick peek into what you can tell about a guy simply by his coffeehouse order. Maybe this list will help you scope out the best of the bunch, or maybe it will just lend a couple of laughs. Whatever his order may be, you can be reassured that he probably won’t judge you for being that girl.