Talking. As humans, we talk everyday in one way, shape, or form. “Start at the end,” my dad often reminds me. So I like to talk. I have a lot to say. And I know you probably do, too.
Yet there exists this unspoken standard of what should and should not be talked about on a regular basis. Moreover, it feels as though there is some disconnect between what we actually want to talk about but never do, and those things we dread even thinking about we find ourselves discussing more often than not.
Take for example your body image. How incredible it is to reminisce on your pre-cellulite, pre-hangover, pre-binge-drinking body. The body that allowed you to play three sports at once and have collarbones and a waist-line. I am of course referring to your high school body, and how skinny you, unknowingly, used to be. Can’t relate? Maybe you’re one of those anomalies who can college and still fit into your tightest skinny jeans from high school. Bye Felicia. Here’s to hoping your metabolism catches up with you one day. At any rate, as much as we love to relive the glory days via an old prom picture resurfacing on Facebook, **queue ravishing, oval-shaped faces with definition between chin and neck**, those days are long gone. No one cares to dwell on what used to be.
We move along now to that beloved and sacred time of day when our minds shut down and we can sleep, that time when our minds might also allow us the bizarre time to dream. “I had the craziest dream last night,” which really translates to, “Listen to me tell you about what happened in my mind that makes virtually no sense. But it will be fun to string you along on a random chain of made up events.” We could devote hours to dissecting and deciphering the true inner workings of each dream, but no one does. There is a one or two minute grace period in which we are allowed a brief summary of our dreams. Then the gap has closed and you must move on.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, we are presented with those questions that everyone dreads but also, everyone asks: “Do you know what you’re doing after graduation?”, “How is your love life?”, and the classic, “How are you?”
I find that developing the following auto-generated responses that have no true depth or meaning whatsoever can get you through almost any of these conversational catastrophes…
On post-grad plans: “I’m really exploring my options, attending lots of career fairs, and building my network,” which translates too, “Google is my best friend, I don’t even know what a job market is yet alone my qualifications, I talked to my friend who works in the city and she has friends that have jobs too.”
On love life: The “It’s good!” response which really translates to, “I may be happy but if you ask me anything beyond this I will shove the nearest large cracker in my mouth and smile and nod, because if you question me or make me think about something I haven’t already then I will spiral into an over-thinking roller coaster of helpless angst” or “It’s nonexistent!” which translates to, “I’m not being sarcastic—the only love I possess is for those in-adamant objects in my life that will never disappoint me.”
On you in general: “I’m great, how are you!?” which really translates to, I’ve got a million things on my mind and only 24 hours in a day, I’m on the verge of a breakdown and all I want is a hot chocolate and a hug.” In this instance, you can play strong defense but deflecting. By shooting back the same question to your colleague, you have immediately taken the focus off of yourself and given the person the one thing that is most yearned for: to talk about oneself.
It’s natural to tense up in conversation about the future or deeply personal topics. Be cool; everyone feels it in one way or another. But why can’t we all sit around talking about the what if’s of dreams and the had been’s of high school? Life goes on. 10 years from now will be the had been’s of college. So here’s to hoping that each of our days is filled with a special joy that can transcend the ever-present stress of daily life.