We’ve all been there: It’s 1 AM on a Friday night and you’ve been sippin’. Just when you are in the middle of absolutely killing it on the Frat house (Hooters?) dance floor, two words creep into your mind: mozzy sticks. You immediately round up the squad and rush to paradise: The Bronco. You stumble to Benson but upon entering you realize only two members of your squad are still with you. Clearly the others found something more entertaining on Bellomy.
When you walk into Bronco you’re surrounded by friends…because pretty much everyone is your friend when you’re drunk. You spot that hot guy eating by the pool table and try your best “I’m not belligerent” walk, and try looking hot while ordering mozzy sticks, curly fries, and maybe a piece of pizza. By the time 2 AM rolls around, the staff of Bronco hates you and are flickering the lights urging you to get out. But wait, you gave half your food away, and that is simply not enough to satisfy drunchies.
Well, when the Bronco is not an option, here are 4 more ideas to help satisfy your late night drunchie needs:
1) Taco Bell
Everyone has had some drunchie experience with Taco Bell. Whether it’s talking way too loudly inside or literally pretending to be a car (wheels and all) going through the drive-thru, we’ve all been there. To the drunken mind, T-bell offers a taco so authentic and delightful…something reminiscent of a small taqueria in Guadalajara; however, hungover you will not feel the same because let’s be honest, it’s a “Mexican” fast food chain. Need I say more?
2) Mooching Off Friends and Floor-mates
This one requires you to schmooze a bit. Now, no one likes a mooch so you have to be discreet. There are a few ways to go about this. First, you can wait for them to bring out a snack and say, “Oh that looks so bomb!” which will hopefully lead to sharing. Second, you could casually mention how bad your drunchies are and pray some kind soul takes pity on you and shares their Goldfish. Finally, you could just straight up ask if anyone has food, but offer to buy food later for anyone who shares. If you use these methods you should come off as less of a mooch… or at least a considerate one.
3) Vending Machine
This is when you know you’ve hit rock bottom. Bronco has failed you, T-bell has failed you, and even your “friends” have failed you! It is time to dig into your pockets for quarters (or if you’re blessed enough to have Flex, find the Access card you misplaced during the pregame) and go down to the lobby. You see a dismal selection of off-brand sour gummy worms, Cheetos, Lays, Pop-Tarts, and random candy bars. You finally settle on Cheez Itz and peanut M&Ms. Unfortunately, finding food took so long that you pass out while eating M&Ms in your bed, and wake up to find them either next to you or nestled in the crevice between your bed and the wall. Either way, your drunchies were left unsatisfied and you wasted valuable money. I would not recommend the vending machine.
4) You had food in your room this whole time….
You open your desk drawer to find the Smart Pop that sober-you hid to keep drunk-you from nomming on. Oh well, guess that ship has sailed. You devour the whole bag with a “No Ragrets” mentality when in reality there will be many “ragrets” in the morning.
So Broncos, next time you are feeling a bit peckish around 1 AM on a Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday, be sure to hit up one of these fine options (but seriously, try to avoid the vending machine.) You will also probably be really motivated to go to the gym after. Just sayin’.