5 Things Girls Do After Getting a Text

If you’re a girl, you can probably relate to this process of overanalyzing texts to some level. Disclaimer: I’m not trying to say that all girls do these things. A lot of guys might do this too. (?) But from my personal experience, I can say that many of us girls do, although probably not to such an extreme extent like I describe here. Or in the case of some friends of mine, to an even more extreme extent than I describe here!

With that said, here’s my (semi) satirical take on 5 things girls do after getting a text:

1.     Try to wait before “seeing” the message: I once got a text from someone about a group project on Saturday night and replied within 2 minutes and thought Yup, now they all think I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night. Which is obviously far from true. I was planning to do much more than just do homework and then watch Netflix in bed…*coughs* So this doesn’t even have to be a relationship or crush thing, it’s just a “I don’t want people to think I have no life” thing.  

2.     Give in 3 minutes in then spend a while reading and analyzing it alone: You realize you don’t want to wait to see the message. What is self-control even? He’s probably not judging you anyway. After looking at the message, you’re initially fine. But then you notice that he posted on his Snap Story before replying to your text… Does that mean you there’s no chance of this progressing ever? He didn’t use any emojis. Is he mad? Wait no, he’s just a guy, you’re fine. OMG, he asked you to go to a movie. Wait is this a date or not? Does he like me or is this a friend thing?

3.     Send a screenshot to your friends: Let me start with this: Guys, if you’re texting a girl and you think she is the only one seeing your messages, there is a good chance you’re wrong. You’re also indirectly texting her roommate, two best friends, and that guy friend from high school she’s somehow still close to. I mean come on, why else were screenshots invented? Also, you can’t blame her. If there’s anything you’ve learned from literature class it’s that more perspectives can make a better, more accurate analysis.  (Side note: If you want to make sure someone you’re texting doesn’t do this, just let them know you’d prefer they keeps things private. Hopefully they’ll respect that.)

4.     Spend 20-30 minutes thinking of a response: Should I say yes with an exclamation mark and a smiley face? No, probably just a smiley face, I don’t want to come on too strong. Or just the exclamation mark. Wait, “yes” seems too formal. I should probably go with “yeah” and then a smiley face. Wait why am I trying so hard? I should just be myself. Screw it, I’m just going to send the text. No more overthinking.

5.     Obsess over what you should have said instead: I can’t believe I sent that to him, ugh he must think I’m crazy. Or boring. Maybe I should have used the smiley face and the exclamation mark? Oh no, I’m overthinking again. Why can’t I just let this be?

He then replies soon after and you realize everything is fine. And yet, for some strange reason (You’re not crazy, you swear), the entire process starts all over. This should be fun.