The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of The University of Scranton.
Especially as a freshman and sophomore, I would spend my time obsessing over why I hadn’t found the love of my life, and I definitely didn’t think I was experiencing “the best four years” of my life. There’s this idea that college is supposed to be a time of drinking, studying, and partying, something that makes the adults in your life come up to you at family functions and say, “how’s college? Those were the best four years of my life! Enjoy it, really soak it all in!” I would respond, “it’s great!” but the honest answer was usually, “I’m kind of drowning, I don’t feel like I have good friends, and I’m so depressed and anxiety-ridden, but I won’t realize how bad it is until I go on Lexapro in my junior year.” Then I’d go on TikTok and Instagram and see girls posting videos and pictures with their friends, capturing a college experience that is filled with extravagant dorm room décor, the most wonderful friends ever, a loving boyfriend, and a bottle of Pink Whitney. It’s hard not to compare when all this college bs is shoved in your face 24/7.
As a senior, I’ve realized that a lot of that isn’t real, and everyone has a unique experience. There’s no way I, an English and philosophy major with a concentration in women’s and gender studies, am going to have the same experience as someone majoring in management or biology; nor am I going to have the same experience as someone that loves parties and getting drunk—and that’s not to belittle the people that do, y’all are cool. I realized that my identity just doesn’t fit that lifestyle. I get migraines and I don’t want to go out every weekend, I have anxiety and depression, I miss my home and my parents, and I’m very focused on my academics. I prefer the quiet, like an eighty-year-old woman with a mug full of earl grey tea, and that’s completely ok. Instead, I surround myself with a community that likes sitting around with mugs of tea. My friends and I go out sometimes, but not on a weekly basis (especially with my concussion, lol).
College is challenging mentally and physically. In your teens, you were either at home, school, or sports, and you had your family and friends by your side to support you. I was especially comforted by sports. Then you go to college, and the rug is ripped out from underneath you. You’re really starting to build your life; shit becomes real, fast. If I could give advice to my younger self, I would tell her to focus less on what people expect her to be doing in college and more on what she’d actually like to do. I’d tell her to do her own thing, choose her own classes, and not base her every move on society’s expectations of the perfect college experience because my perfect college experience is still formative and freeing in its own way, and that’s perfectly fine to me.