It’s an age-old nightmare, isn’t it? Your boo inevitably falls for your perky best friend and you’re left feeling like the bridge between their love. But what do you do when they actually cross you?
Don’t you fret, collegiate. Fortunately for you, and quite unfortunately for me, ya’ girl has been caught up in this nightmare come true before. I’ve probably made a fool of myself through what feels like a saga and a half to finally learn from those mistakes, and to be able to give pretty decent advice to anyone else going through this.
Obviously, following any break up is a world of pain. You feel unwanted, like you wasted your time pining after someone that was just going to end up breaking you down. Following this wave of sadness, in the off chance that your old flame sparks up something new with a close friend, you’ll most likely feel submerged in misery.
Personally, when I first found out, I was furious. HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME? I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE! All of these fueled questions ran through my head. I hated them, I felt betrayed. Yes, it was a few months post-breakup but for some reason I could not rationalize what they had done to me. I could only think of how malicious their actions were and how it MUST HAVE been targeted at me. I was confused and hurt and had lost all hope in humanity, for what does life even amount to when the people closest to you leave? ~*~dark right?~*~
After a few hours (*cough* days) of questioning and quarreling, I came to realize that maybe (just maybe) there was a world outside of me, where perhaps people could interact with each other without assuming what I would think. Coming to realize that I could not control the actions or emotions of others was beneficial for my getting-over such a traumatic event. Yes, I still made mistakes, like ranting to others about their messed-up love story, or stumbling to my ex at a party and berating him on how he could be so heartless after stringing me along for a year. I had feigned for this kid for months, constantly being dropped when I nagged too much to ~*~define the relationship~*~ (as we all know is a common struggle). And who would I go to with a runny nose and teary eyes each time? My friend, who is now his latest romance. I would give her vivid details of our last encounters, showing her texts and pictures, pleading for her advice.
It sucked, and its been a few months since the original blow to my ego and emotions. However, through my trial and error of seeming indifferent, mixed with some social media purging and a date function fiasco, I have developed some tips for anybody who is currently going through the same thing as I once did. As bad as it may seem, it really does get better with time. Going to a school as small as the University of Scranton, I wind up seeing them together at least once a week. Whether they be holding hands crossing the street (while I slide down my shades and tap my finger against the wheel of my car, waiting for them to cross so I can flee the pain of watching); or almost walking into their table for two in the cafeteria while they gaze into each other’s eyes with their mouths full, chomping and all — its a hard sight to miss. These are common events, but really have become more of a joke to me now rather than a spark for more hatred. With these tips, collegiate, hopefully you too will be able to look at your ex-bae/bestie monstrosity and smile away the pain, as well.
1. Allow yourself to be sad.
There is absolutely no reason to act like you don’t care when you first find out. You’re not fooling anyone, sweetie. It’s okay not to be okay, so go ahead and wallow away. Initially, you’re probably going to be in shock, which is the worst time to do anything other than let it sink in. After a few days, the shock may be replaced by anger. Be weary not to act on this rage, you don’t want to do too much yet, other than cry and punch something. Maybe instead of exerting your rage in physical violence, find a gym near you? You can develop a great bikini body while being sad and miserable.
2. Don’t attack either of them, it’ll just result in pity.
This tip is crucial. The first thing I did after finding out in the middle of the summer that my old flame and friend had turned into a couple was storm inside a party a my exes house and scream at him for dating her. Inevitably, the tears started to flow, but PLOT TWIST he did not allow me to jump in his arms and apologize for everything he’d done while simultaneously breaking up with her via text like I expected him to in my fantasy world. No, oh no he did not. Instead, I got reminded with his so called “logic” (ha, that’s a laugh) that I needed to get over whatever it was between us, and that he was sorry (not for what he did, but because I was still hung up on him). PITY IS THE LAST THING YOU WANT LADIES! I walked out of that party wondering why the heck I had just made myself look so weak. I didn’t even want him! *hairflip*
3. Don’t talk sh!t and don’t ask others about their relationship, it always comes back to them.
This will make you seem way more interested than you want to be perceived.
At this point in the saga, you should realize that #trustnobody is a thing, especially since they were the two you trusted most. Anything you say about them will make you look petty. People will start to wonder if you’re actually crazy, since you cannot accept the reality of things and still only think of yourself. Nobody is going to truly understand your pain so there is no need to project it to the world. Anyways, would you want their satisfaction of hearing you’re oh so jealous?
4. If you see them at a point where you’re emotionally vulnerable, JUST WALK AWAY.
Don’t let yourself get fixed up on trying to seem clueless to their presence, and don’t go looking to start drama either. If you’re still alternating between laughing hysterically and crying about the whole ordeal, then you’re not ready to slayyy the environment in which you are all in. About three months into my constant interaction with the couple, I thought I was fine to see them. I took my sister to a date function that I knew at least one of them would be at. Needless to say, my sister was the one who ended up talking me out of a huge screaming fight that involved insults, shoving, and slamming doors. Did I gain anything by my public display of what I thought was dominance? NO. The entire function thought I was a bitter psychopath.
5. Unfollow them on social media if seeing them bothers you.
This one is just a given. You never wanna see cute pictures of them nuzzling each other’s faces, claiming that they’re happier than clams. Just un-follow them girlfriend, you don’t need their sappy posts on your feed anyway. But its okay, they can still follow you ;-)
6. Realize who you are and understand that indifference is bliss.
At first, sympathy may be all that you can stomach, however, when you’re trying to move past it all, tough love and self-evaluation are invaluable. Once you come out of that dark mourning period, you’ll have days when you’ll find yourself hovering between “do I care or do I not?” Summon every ounce of yourself towards the “feeling better” side. It wll get easier each day. Eventually, you wont need to force yourself to feel better because you actually will, and then you’re on your way.
7. Realize that there is a world outside of your own.
This is probably the hardest step, but the most imperative to coping with it all. It may take weeks, months, even years to replace your hurt with anything else. But perhaps one day, as I did, you’ll realize they’re actually #couplegoals. You and your boo broke up for a reason: ultimately the relationship was not made to last. Maybe destiny sent you into your boytoy’s world to introduce him to your friend. MAYBE YOU REALLY WERE JUST A BRIDGE ALL ALONG?! Don’t fret, honey. Even though it may seem like a win-win for them and a lose-lose for you, karma has it’s way of evening out the world. Their love-to-the-grave, blessed by the angel you are, will be noted, young grasshopper.