College is full of parties, whether they are at your house, at someone else’s, or somewhere in-between. It is totally different being at your own…because seriously, that couch we bought is like brand new.
1. Private Property
a. Attending one: Not worrying that your cup of beer was just pushed out of your hand and onto the carpet, because its not like you’re actually going to clean it up anyway. Duh.
b.Throwing one: Handing out coasters and napkins, because that might be a yard sale coffee table, but to you it cost two long weeks of hard and dreadful physical labor (AKA: babysitting).
2. Bathroom Mayhem
a. Attending one: Not caring that the toilets are clogged because you broke the seal an hour ago. Even though your house is next door, there is absolutely no reason you should put effort into walking 12 steps.
b. Throwing one: Wishing you had enough money to put port-a-potties outside because cleaning toilets is not your favorite Sunday morning activity…wait someone remind me who are these people in my presence again?
3. Adventure Time
a. Attending one: Giving yourself a self-guided tour through whichever house you go to, because it is imperative to know how they decorated and most importantly, to convince yourself your house is still more likely to be on Pinterest.
b. Throwing one: Dead-bolting your bedroom door and hiding the key in a locked safe, because your DVD collection of The OC and the Ikea furniture you just put together are the only possessions you have…side note…I wonder if that 6’4” boy from math class wants to be a security guard?
4. Squad deep?
a. Attending one: Inviting your whole clan to the party you heard about, because you would rather die than show up alone…even though you know exactly who is going to be there.
b. Throwing one: Uninviting half of your own friends because too many people are coming and they’ll easily be forced to find somewhere else to go (hopefully).
5. Jungle Beats, Holla at Me
a. Attending one: Not even paying attention to the music because you can barely hear it anyway… “70’s Rock Pandora…perfect, 90’s Summer Hits…even better!”
b. Throwing one: Severe anxiety because you realized your speakers aren’t loud enough. So you make a playlist 10 minutes before everyone starts coming that included what “good” music actually is..Jordan Belforttttttt