1. They always get dirty
They get dirty way too easily; bugs, dirt, rain, my own tears, the blood of my enemies- no matter what it is, it ends up on the lenses and I’m forced to look at until the next time I clean my glasses, which is sometimes never.
2. Driving complications
If the glasses aren’t big enough, then you can’t see out of your peripheral vision, which makes driving into a fun guessing game- what’s that on the side of the road? A bird? An animal? A biker? Probably a biker.
3. They keep falling off
Sometimes if you get really into telling a story and your hands are gesturing wildly, you WILL accidentally smack them your glasses off. The you look stupid and can’t see, which is a nice bonus
4. Putting on makeup
There’s putting on makeup, which is difficult enough, then there’s putting on makeup WITHOUT CONTACTS. There’s mascara on all my mirrors and all over my face. Then you put your glasses on over it, so, like… what’s the point?
5. They camouflage
When your glasses are the same color as the surface you put them on, they blend in and are lost forever. Then you have to feel around like Velma, and just try and guess where they are in the morning until you give up and just go to class completely blind.
6. Forgetting to put them on
Is it worth it to put them on when you have to pee in the middle of the night, or will you risk there being a serial killer that you can’t see? That and you also mistake people for other people, but your family is used to that by now.
7. Forgetting to take them off
We’ve all fallen asleep and wake up with them on, immediately believing that your vision has miraculously returned; why can I see? Then you remember.
8. They never fit perfectly
When they don’t fit, you often have to keep pushing them up, only to do that all day every day forever. Also they fall off if you turn your head the wrong way or if you look down at something.
9. Showering
Since you can’t wear glasses in the shower, you play a fun guessing game every time you bathe. Is this my shampoo or my conditioner? Is that a spider or a piece of dirt? Don’t even get me started about shaving.