Today, I want to tell a story. And oh boy, do I have plenty of stories to tell. There’s just too many, I don’t know which one to pick. I guess I’ll just share a tale about a psycho ex-lover.
It was a cold, winter night. No, I’m just kidding.
Let me restart.
Once upon a very, very, very long time ago, I met a boy. I thought it was love at first sight- that was my first mistake. What I thought was going to be a fairytale actually turned into a nightmare. And when I say nightmare, I am not referring to dreams of a spider crawling in your hair. I am talking about when you wake up screaming, screaming so loud that you can actually feel fear and pain in your heartbeat. I am talking about when you wake up profusely sweating, nervous that you have a fear, afraid to get out of bed to turn on the light.
A year ago, today, I was floating in a cloud of toxicity. I was suffocating. I was sad. I believed that the sole purpose of my existence was to care for and love another human being. I was naive. I was oblivious to the fact that the feelings I felt were a mere figment of my imagination. I never felt anything, and I stand by those words. Everything was fake. Everything was a lie. For a year and a half or so, my life was a dream, a nightmare. And I am grateful that I woke up, more alive than ever before.
I sat in my bedroom crying about a boy who today means nothing to me, a boy who never meant anything to me. I sat at my desk pretending to study and pretending like I was happy. I was never happy. My life was a repeating record of highs and lows. At my highs, I felt a temporary sensation of peace. At my lows, I felt like the world was ending, which it was. The world was collapsing, and I was ready to fall in. Until suddenly, I wasn’t. I didn’t have any feelings for this bad boy. I simply picked a rotten apple off the tree of life. As I took one last bite into the apple core, I realized that I was not the problem, but that it was the rotten fruit pumping toxins into my blood.
In my title, I vowed to set my truth free. The truth is I have restarted my life and I could not be any happier. The truth is I do not let one person define me. The truth is that I was given a second chance to turn my life around and jump at every opportunity.
A year ago, today, I stared at my phone waiting for texts back. I stared at my phone waiting for some boy to invite me over to watch a movie. A year ago, today, I almost let someone ruin me. I almost let someone ruin my whole entire life. And for what? I cannot answer that question.
So, I might not have all the answers. If I am being completely honest, I do not have one answer. All I know is that I love who I am at this exact moment. I love who I am in the present. And I love who I am becoming.