I'm Sorry

I’m sorry. 

 

It’s too late for me to apologize, so I decided to write a little letter here. I know we barely knew one another but I’m sorry for everything I did to hurt you. In the moment I was not thinking of you or of them, I was thinking of myself. I was being selfish for once in my life and left my morals at the door when I did what I did. There’s no justification for why I did it, I just did. There were no attachments on my end. I had figured that once I left to go back to school that these troubles would disappear into thin air.  

 

I was wrong. I was going through a rough patch in my life, something I had never experienced. I made a mistake but doesn’t everyone when they’re young? Some mistakes are worse than others, but a mistake is a mistake. Coming back I guess you could say karma found its way around and came for me. Now I’m dealing with the consequences of my actions and a situation that I thought would be swept under the rug.  

 

I’m sorry that I may be the reason you’re crying yourself to sleep at night. All your insecurities and fears came to fruition thanks to me. I held off for as long as I could but in the end I said screw it all and gave in. I tried warning you once before but you didn’t take my side, you took theirs and made me the bad guy in your eyes. Yes I did what I did, but also recognize that they played an equal role in the situation. I was  wrong and it now haunts me.  

 

They also hurt me in the process of hurting you too. All the trust and vulnerabilities I had with them were tossed out the window as if I was nothing but a pawn on their chess board. They got away without a single scar while you and I are both left here crying. There’s nothing I can do about this now other than disappear from your life and hope that you find clarity from this. I hope that in a few years time everyone will forget about all that has happened and that we all find peace again.  

 

I’m sorry even though I know anything I say now holds no meaning in your eyes. You heard their side of the story and you will stick by that. I have no reason to speak my side as I see it as a waste of breath but know that they were more in the wrong than I was. I am more frustrated with them because they acted so recklessly and immaturely and got away with it. They can walk around with a smile on their face because in their eyes they won. I hope karma comes after them soon.  

 

I can never ask you for your forgiveness because I don’t believe I deserve it. I know that you’ll never read this but I pray that God somehow finds a way to you to let you know of how sorry I am and how I wish you nothing but the best in life. I’m so freaking sorry. For you being a stranger in my life I feel a lot of guilt for what I had done. I was dumb for thinking that things would disappear but what’s done in the dark must come to light. I was dumb for trusting someone I had known for such a small amount of time. I just ask that you and I leave each other lives so that we can both heal in peace and grow from this. I promise that you and the others will never see me again but also know that you and I will come out of this as better and stronger.