Coming to college can be a pretty scary thing. I know from first-hand experience that it is an adjustment and that it can take some time for you to really settle and find your footing. I am a sophomore here at Scranton and I’ll be the first one to say that I was incredibly lucky with the group of friends that I found the first weekend here. My roommate is one of my best friends and so were the girls down the hall from us. We all meshed really well together and are even still living together this year. From the outside, I’m sure that this looks easy, especially to my little sister who came the very next year.
As an older sister, I am used to being idolized by my little one (and honestly, I idolize her too). But something that I wanted my sister to know was that even though I was extremely fortunate and found friends right away, it wasn’t always easy. I still had days where I thought that everyone else had more friends than me, or I doubted whether my friends even really liked me (tbh, I still do this to this day). I would go an entire day without seeing anyone aside from my roommate and felt like I wasn’t doing college the “right” way. This was pretty disheartening, and I really struggled at times, especially with everything being shut down due to Covid. I was so excited to come back this year with fewer restrictions and more confidence in the friendships that I had.
However, the first weekend here this semester, I honestly couldn’t even think about going out or having fun because I was just worried about my sister. I was worried that it was going to take her a while to find friends that she really clicked with, I was worried that she wasn’t going to get along with her roommate, and honestly, I just didn’t want her to be sad. Move-in was on a Saturday and we spent the whole day together with my parents. I was (and still am) so glad that we are on the same campus because I missed her and home so much last year that I was hoping that being here with me would lessen her homesickness.
That night, she texted me about going out somewhere, but I could tell that she didn’t seem that sure about it since she didn’t know any of the people who were also going out. I didn’t think that it was a good idea for her to go and eventually my sister also came to that conclusion. She ended up just chilling in her room by herself and getting settled which I think was 100% the right call. But sitting alone in your room on the first night can be lonely especially if you feel like other people are already out making friends. She texted me saying that she wished she could find people like her who weren’t the type to party on the first night. I was working an event that night so I couldn’t go see her, but I did try to help her the best that I could. I told her that I promise those people are on campus, but they are probably in their rooms right now just like she was in hers. I told her that come Monday, she would meet more people in her classes and club meetings and all over the place and to keep her head up. And most importantly I told her that every single first year (and probably some sophomores and juniors too) whether they admitted it or not, are feeling the exact same way and all they want is to find their people.
I think that a lot of the time we idolize the lives of the people around us. Everyone else has more friends than me, school is easy for everyone else, everyone else is having more fun than me. But I’ve found that nine times out of ten, this just isn’t true. If you’re someone like me who is intrinsically insecure, then you know what I mean. This is something that I have been trying to work on. I can’t live my life whilst comparing it to everyone else. I have to learn to be okay with who I am and stop worrying about how I look to other people.
Last year, I couldn’t sit in the cafeteria by myself because I thought it would look like I didn’t have any friends. Last year I never wanted to walk anywhere by myself for the same reason. But this year it’s different. I care less about what other people think. I walk around without worrying as much what people are thinking and assuming about me. I know I will probably never be able to 100% not care, but I feel like this is a good start.
Making friends is scary, college is scary, but I guarantee that so many other people are feeling the exact same way. Unfortunately, the only way to feel better is to get out there. Talk to people in class, joins clubs, do stuff. At the beginning of the semester, I was so worried about my little sister, but now, she’s doing amazing. She has a nice, sweet group of friends who are likeminded and support her. I almost feel silly for every stressing about her, but I also know that there are people on campus right now who are still looking for their people, and my advice to you guys would be don’t worry, you’ll find them. Something I always like to remember, is that my mom met her best friends in college in her junior year, and they hang out to this day. Last year, they went on a trip for all of their 50th birthdays. Those are the kinds of friends you make in college, lifelong ones. I’m sure in thirty years I’ll see you guys posting pictures with your college friends on your 50th birthday trip, but till then, don’t stress. You’ll find your people, I promise.