Sorry to disappoint, but this is not an open letter. And no ex-boyfriends were harmed in the making of this article (mostly). I cannot say I have an excessive number of ex-boyfriends, at least, no more than the average nineteen-year-old girl who had a flirty streak through high school. Do I still “love” my ex-boyfriends? Not in the romantic, passionate sense anymore. Did I ever “love” my ex-boyfriends? I am not certain any girl my age could have genuinely experienced love by now, but if you have, hats off to you. Would I ever get back together with one of my ex-boyfriends? Now that’s laughable.
I did specify I no longer love my ex-boyfriends in a romantic manner, but they will always hold some place in my heart. I love them for all the mistakes they made, just as much as all the things they did right. They were the first guys to meet my crazy family, to take me on first dates, to spend holidays with my extended family (and survive), to give into the outrageous “promposal” fad, to teach me how to fight but always to make up, and to stand by my side through awkward high school relationship moments that Seventeen tried – and failed – to provide guidance throughout. If it weren’t for all you, I would have never grown into a person who is capable of participating in a healthy relationship. And FYI, it’s not with you.
Because of them, I have been hurt and broken more than ever imaginable. I love them, however, for putting me through all of this. I had to endure the most painful 3 a.m. crying sessions that even my best friend had trouble handling. They were capable of making me feel unwanted, used and unworthy at varying points in the relationship. They had me fighting tears through class, coming home crying to Mama Thiel and blubbering on the phone to my best friends. But, it’s because of them I have learned to never cry over such childish and trivial things in the future with my next significant other.
Mostly, I love you for no longer being with me. Unfortunately, I had to endure all of the heartbreaking moments in order to make me a stronger person. I now see that I can do it without you. I can be myself and I can be comfortable doing so. I am worthy and wanted. I am worth more than your unkind words and harsh actions. I am Kassaundra Thiel and I am a stubborn, moody, young woman who relies on coffee a little too much, listens to Nick Jonas more than it is good for her, doodles on every page of notes and really knows her way around Forever 21. Learning to love myself for who I am is the most beautiful kind of love I could have ever hoped to experience and I would have never accomplished it without you guys. Sorry to say, but you really missed out on a good one.